Joke #3919

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist? A: Terrorists have sympathisers.
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has 56.65 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, terrorist

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Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage. They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.
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has 62.74 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, life, money, terrorist, time
Terrorists have hijacked a planeload of lawyers bound for a legal convention. They’ve threatened to start releasing the lawyers one by one until their demands are met.
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has 51.81 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, terrorist
Q: What do you call a terrorist attack in the Middle East? A: A Selfie!
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has 63.79 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: geography, technology, terrorist
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.  As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."  The old farmer Peter replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial lawyers in Canada and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own." The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Alberta. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.' The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?" The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."  The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.  The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.  Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."  The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
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has 85.25 % from 679 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, duck, hunting, lawyer
What’s the difference between two lawyers in a Porsche and a porcupine? The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
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has 81.26 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: car, lawyer
A man needing some legal help walks into a law firm. He asks an attorney: "If I give you $300 to help answer two legal problems I have, will you help me?" The attorney replies: "Sure, what's the other question?"
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has 77.81 % from 140 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money
How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine? Only one if you run him through slowly!
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has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how many orchards does it take for a lawyer?
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has 53.58 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: What’s the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress? A: No fee–If No Recovery!
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
An elderly patient needs a heart transplant and discusses his options with his doctor. The doctor says, ‘We have three possible donors. One is a young, healthy athlete. The second is a middleaged businessman who never drank or smoked, and the third is an attorney who just died after practising law for 30 years.’ ‘I’ll take the lawyer’s heart,’ says the patient. ‘Why?’ asks the doctor. The patient replies, ‘It’s never been used.’
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has 78.23 % from 100 votes. More jokes about: athlete, business, lawyer