I couldn't understand why it hurts a lot when you bite your tongue accidentally, but it doesn't hurt when you bite it intentionally, and what I couldn't understand most is why you're biting your tongue right now?!
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When a White guy is...
Scared- He gets even whiter.
Cold- He turns Blue.
Angry-He turns Red.
Stoned- Gray duh.
Sick- He turns Green.
When a Black guy is...
Scared- He stays Black.
Cold- He stays Black.
Angry- He stays Black.
Stoned- He stays Black.
Black Man to White Man: And you calling us colored.
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A Russian captain is trying to explain to his comrades the effects of atomic bombs:
"Now, imagine 20 no, 40, no... a 100 cases of vodka and noone to drink them!"
The best way to make somebody remember you is to borrow money from them.
I got 99 problems and being upside down ain't one.
Ok wait I got 66 problems.
Q: What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?
A: Stinkerbell!
Rita is complaining to her friends about her husband's extreme dedication to his new job.
You see, Rita's husband has been jobless for quite a while.
She tells her friends, "I appreciate the fact that at last he's found a new job, but I don't like him taking his work home and finishing it in our bedroom."
"Why, what's his new job?"
"He's an embalmer."
I weighed myself today.
It is clear I am too small for my weight.
Q:Did you hear the joke about the rope?
A:Just skip it.
Always be yourself, unless you can be Chuck Norris, then always be Chuck Norris.
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