We have so many nationalities. It's gotten to the point now that you can go into any fast food place, and you can find out what kind of neighborhood you're in just by the ethnic group that works there. It's like, if Chinese people work there, you're in a Chinese neighborhood; if black people work there, you're in a black neighborhood; if white people work there, then you're in Utah.
You WILL be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
A guy in the locker room saw another guy with a piece of cork up his ass. "Why do you have a cork up your ass?" "Well, it's a long story. But one day I was walking on the beach and I tripped over a bottle and woke up a genie who said he would grant me one wish. I said, 'No s**t!"
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.
Q: Why do Americans like black candles? A: Because it reminds them of 'the good old days'.
An Arabic kid joined my football team. All he did was blow the plays.
It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds. An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.
Patient: "How much do you charge for extracting a tooth?" Doctor: "Fifty rupees." Patient: "Fifty ruppes, for only a few second’s work?" Doctor: "Well, I will do it very slowly." Patient: "How much is for the operation?" Doctor: "Rupees on thousand." Patient: "But it was a serious one." Doctor: "Nonsense. You can’t buy a serious operation for Rupees one Thousand now-a days."
What was Forrest Gump's email password? 1forrest1
Q: Why do Soviet soldiers always miss? A: They have terrible Marxmanship.