Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry?
A: Never lick the spoon!
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-.
These are also Chuck Norris' initials.
This is not a coincidence.
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Q: What element is a girl's future best friend?
A: Carbon.
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As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up:
Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.
Chuck Norris is not cool.
By saying that, I have decreased my life to 5 seco...
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A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost.
She reduced altitude and spotted a man below.
She descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me?
I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."
The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground.
You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am", replied the man.
"How did you know?"
"Well, answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip even more."
The man below responded, "You must be in management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going.
You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air.
You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems?!!"
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Q: What does an Irishman get after eating Italian food?
A: Gaelic breath.
Q: Why are politicians like diapers?
A: Both should be changed regularly and for the same reason.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.