A government is doing really bad and is very likely to lose the election.
So they gather the cabinet to deal with the situation.
"Guys we do not go well, we will lose power, we will lose everything. We need to do something" the prime minister said.
A minister pops up and says: "We will redecorate! We will change desks, chairs, sofas, floors, curtains, everything will be changed."
The others also agree and start to make plans.
So sometime later, the maid comes inside, and she sees them so upset all working hard making plans, and says: "What about you guys, What is going on?"
"We do not go well as government and we are changing the decoration" they reply.
The maid shrugs tentatively.
"Why do you react like that?"
"What can I tell you guys" she answers. "Before I came here for work, I used to work in a brothel. And when business didn’t go well, we did not change the furniture, but the hookers."
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Are you free on Sunday?
The director asks his secretary.
Yes, sir.
Then, please, use this day to rest a bit, so you won’t be late at work on Monday.
Romi (to the doctor): "Doctor, my sister thinks that she is a lift."
Doctor: "Tell her to come in."
Romi: "I cannot"
Doctor: "Why so?"
Romi: "Because she does not stop at this floor."
Two statues, male and female, faced each other in the city park for many years.
An angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire."
The statues came to life and smiled at each other.
They ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes.
The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping.
After 15 minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling.
Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have 15 minutes. Would you like to continue?"
The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?"
Giggling, the female statue said, "Sure, but this time, you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on its head!"
Jake was watching vigilantly at his dying wife's side.
"Sleep now, it's all right," he told her.
But she kept trying to sit up and said, "Honey, I really need to tell you something."
Finally Jake let her get it off her chest.
"Jake, honey, I need to tell you something before I die.
During the last two months, I slept with your brother, your best friend and your father."
"Don't worry about it," Jake said, "I already know. Why do you think I poisoned you?"
Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?
Girl: What if a boy hugs me?
Mom: Say Don't
Girl: What if he kisses me?
Mom: Say stop.
The next day when the girl goes to school her boyfriend hugs and kisses her well so she says as her mother told her to do and she quickly said DON'T STOP!...
Taylor Swift waved at a boy yesterday and he didn't wave back...
So she will have a new album coming out tomorrow.
5 year old daughter: "Mom, why is some of your hair white?"
Me: *smiles* "Every time you make me sad, another hair turns white."
Daughter: *wide eyes* "Wow mom, what did you do to grandma?"
Funny Lists: Eight ways to say "Your Fly Is Open"
1. The cucumber has left the salad.
2. You've got Windows in your laptop.
3. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.
4. Your pod bay door is open, Hal.
5. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
6. Sailor Ned is trying to take a little shore leave.
7. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
8. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.