As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up:
Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.
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Helium walks into a bar.
The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.
Yo mama farts so much there is a reason why Jupiter is made out of gas.
Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
A: HeHe
Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
A: He was booked for a salt and battery.
Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
Q: Why can't lawyers do NMR?
A: Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.
The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
My mother in law's farts are so horrible that I can rent her to governments for using instead of chemical weapons for destroying their enemies!
Vote:
A scientist tells a pharmacist, "Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid."
"Do you mean aspirin?" asks the pharmacist.
The scientist slaps his forehead. "That's it!" he says. "I can never remember the name."