As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up:
Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.
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Helium walks into a bar.
The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.
If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
Q: What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
A: CSI
A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."
The neutron says "Are you sure?"
The proton replies "I'm positive."
Q: What do you get when you complete science class?
A: A graduated cylinder.
Vote:
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
Q: Why can't lawyers do NMR?
A: Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
