As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up: Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.
Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car? A: He was booked for a salt and battery.
Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much? A: They're cheaper than day rates.
Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element. The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right. The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
Q: What is the chemical formula for "banana"? A: BaNa2
If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
Q: Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar? A: He got Avogadro's number!
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?" "Sure. That's easy," said one man. "What is it?" "H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O." "What, what?" reasked the instructor. "H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
A man who wants to murder his wife goes in a pharmacy and asks for cyanide. "I'm sorry sir, but I can't give you cyanide just like that." Without a word, the man takes out his wife's photograph and holds it in front of him. The pharmacist apologizes, "My mistake, I didn't realize you had a prescription."
Q: Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? A: It went OK.