Q: What happens when spectroscopists are idle? A: They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you," The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist? A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
A photon is checking into a hotel and the bellhop asks him "Do you have any luggage?" The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."
Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium? A: Na
Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? A: HeHe
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here." Helium doesn't react.
Two chemists go into a restaurant. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" - and he died.
Q: What is the chemical formula for "banana"? A: BaNa2
A proton and a neutron are walking down the street. The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it." The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
Q: Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? A: It went OK.