Q: Why do accountants make good lovers? A: They're great with figures.
Q: Why accountants don't read novels? A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
"The auditors have just left, sir." "Did they check the books?" "Very thoroughly." "What did they say?" "They want 15% to keep quiet."
A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.
Knock-knock. Who's there? To. To who? No, to whom.
A bus carrying nuns crashes over a cliff , all are killed! They all line up at the pearly gates and ST peter stands there with his book. He calls the first nun up and says "Have you ever touched a penis" ,she replies "I only ever touched one with my index finger." He says "Well give one hell mary and dip your finger in the holly water and go throught the gates." He calls the second nun and says "have you ever touched a penis." She replies "I did touch one once with my left hand." He says "well give three hell marys dip your hand in the holly water and go through the gate." Next thing a nuns comes running through all the othere nuns knocking this over and pushing all the othere nuns out of the way. ST Peter says "What's all the hurry?" The nun replies "Well I would like to gargle before sister mary dips her arse in the holly water."
A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"
Q: What's worse than ants in your pants? A: Uncle.
Q: What do you call a programmer from Finland? A: Nerdic.
Q: What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician? A: He didn't count with this...