Q: Why do accountants make good lovers? A: They're great with figures.
Q: Why accountants don't read novels? A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job advertised in the Sydney Morning Herald. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch. "I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me." "How do you mean?" says the accountant. "I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters." "OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?" "You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner. "Seventy-five thousand dollars. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?" "That," says the man, "is your first worry."
Q: And the difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion? A: Jail.
The wife bought a new see through nighty, wore it without any underclothes and came swinging before the husband. Aroused Husband says, "You look so beautiful and sexy my darling." The wife says, "I know that, I tried it the same way at the store and the salesman was the first one to tell me that."
If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Einstein's theory of relativity is still a theory.
Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts.
Why do men like having sex with the lights on? It makes it easier to put a name to the face.
One day a women walks into work in a short skirt. As she’s walking to her desk she gets stopped by a co-worker, who says, “Your hair smells really nice today.” She grimaces and stomps into her manager’s office. She says,”I want to file a sexual harassment complaint!” and then relates what happened. The manager says, “What’s wrong with him complimenting how your hair smells?” Furious, she snarls, “He’s a midget!”
Q: Why does Santa have an accountant in the USA? A: So he can avoid Gift Taxes.