Q: Why do accountants make good lovers?
A: They're great with figures.
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Q: Why accountants don't read novels?
A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
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A husband feeling a bit horny goes to the bathroom and returns with 4 aspirin and a glass of water for his wife.
He says, "Here honey, here are some aspirin and a some water."
She replied, "but honey I do not have a headache!"
He replied, "Thank God!"
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
Where do homeless accountants live?
In a tax shelter.
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Helium walks into a bar.
The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.
Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
A: HeHe
What does CPA stand for?
Can't Pass Again.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" - and he died.
Two students talk:
"What are you reading?"
"Quantum physics theory book."
"But why are you reading it upside-down?"
"It makes no difference anyway."