Q: Why do accountants make good lovers? A: They're great with figures.
Q: Why accountants don't read novels? A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
It's 4:04. Do you know where your auditor is?
Two students talk: "What are you reading?" "Quantum physics theory book." "But why are you reading it upside-down?" "It makes no difference anyway."
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist? A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
The biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word 'Facial' is used.
Q: What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? A: The accountant knows he's boring.
Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car? A: He was booked for a salt and battery.
Q: What element is a girl's future best friend? A: Carbon.
It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat". The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as. "I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.
Flashlight A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"