Joke #11773

Q: Why do accountants make good lovers? A: They're great with figures.
Vote: has 83.80 % from 664 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: accountant, nerd, sex

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Q: Why accountants don't read novels? A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
Vote: has 66.38 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: accountant, math, nerd
A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed. His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied,  "Some things you just can't explain. This morning I was outside milking a cow. As soon as the bucket was full the cow kicked it down with his left foot so I tied up his left foot to a pole. I began to fill up the bucket again and he kicked it down with his right foot, so I tied his right foot to a pole too. As soon as I finished milking the cow again he knocked down the bucket with his tail and I took off my belt and tied up his tail with my belt. As I was tying up his tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can't explain."
Vote: has 76.19 % from 81 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, sex, wife, work
An American goes to the train station so he can start his big trip. He notices there a machine with the indication: "Put A Dollar in the Slot and the Machine will Tell you who you are!" Curious, he puts the dollar inside the slot and he waits. The machine suddenly sounds; "You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago." The man blacked out with the machine's ability. So, he decided to trick the machine. He wore a fake mustache and putted another dollar inside the slot. "You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago," says the machine. "But it's impossible!" screamed the man, acquiring a maniac need to trick the machine. He ran to the toilet and disguised as an Arab. Then, he did the same routine. "You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago." Furious then, he disguises as a woman and puts the dollar as usual in the slot. -You're John Bull, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall, 90 kilos and with your bullshits you.. lost the train!
Vote: has 72.77 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: accountant, money, travel
What is the difference between a joystick and a man's d**k? A joystick does its job.
Vote: has 44.74 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, sex
How do you know you have a great CPA? He has a tax loophole named after him.
Vote: has 69.96 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: accountant, money, tax
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here." Helium doesn't react.
Vote: has 75.81 % from 104 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bar, bartender, chemistry, nerd
Q: How do you know you've got a good tax accountant? A: He's had a loophole named after him.
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: accountant, money, tax
A programmer had a problem. He decided to use Java. He now has a ProblemFactory.
Vote: has 72.63 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: coding, geek, IT, nerd, programmer
A man and woman were celebrating their 50 year anniversary. That night, the woman comes out of the bathroom completely naked and looks at her husband who is already in bed. She says, "Honey, 50 years ago tonight, when I came out of the bathroom with no clothes on, what were you thinking?" He said, "I was thinking that I wanted to suck your titties dry and fuck you until you couldn’t think straight." She smiled at him and said, "So what are you thinking now?" He said, "I think I did a pretty good job!"
Vote: has 57.73 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: anniversary, husband, marriage, sex, time
How do you know when your cat’s finished cleaning himself? He’s smoking a cigarette.
Vote: has 38.75 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex