A man and his wife were having sex one night in there bedroom.
There little boy opens the door and says "Daddy what are you doing to mama?"
Then the daddy says "Making you a little sister"
And then the boy replies "Hell no do it doggy style I want a puppy."
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Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.
Vote:
How do girls get minks?
The same way minks get minks.
Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.
His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician.
The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."
His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber.
The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."
Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.
"No, I'm serious.
The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized."
Q: What goes in hard and pink, but comes out soft and mushy?
A: Bubblegum and you should be ashamed of yourself.
There are three moms.
A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde.
They were all talking one day and the brunette says "Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed.
I cannot believe she smokes weed"
They comfort her, and the redhead says "Yeah, well I found a fake I. D. In my daughter's purse.
I cannot believe she has one". So they all comfort her.
Then the blonde says "That's nothing. I found a condom in my daughter's purse.
I just cannot believe she has a penis"
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it...
Q: What did dick say to rubber?
A: "Cover me I'm going in."
Vote:
Did you hear about the idiot who put ice in his condom?
He wanted to keep the swelling down.