A man and his wife were having sex one night in there bedroom.
There little boy opens the door and says "Daddy what are you doing to mama?"
Then the daddy says "Making you a little sister"
And then the boy replies "Hell no do it doggy style I want a puppy."
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Valentines Slogans
10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk, But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.
9. Our love will never become cold and hollow, Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.
8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store, In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.
7. This feels so good, it feels so right, I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.
6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class, Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.
5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished, But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!
4. Through all the things that came to pass, Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass.
3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie, I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".
2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny, So right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!
1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister. You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!
Kock, Knock
Who is there?
Suck, suck.
Suck, suck who?
After a long pause with a low voice:
My dick; dear!
Vote:
Q: What did I do in the bed last night.
A: Your mom.
Q: Why did they make glow in the dark condoms?
A: So gay guys can play star wars.
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."
A couple have just had sex.
The woman says, ‘If I got pregnant, what would we call the baby?’
The man takes off his condom, ties a knot in it, and flushes it down the toilet.
‘Well,’ he says.
‘If he can get out of that, we’ll call him Houdini.’
Q: What do you call Bin Laden when he lost his virginity?
A: Osama Bin Laiden.
Vote:
Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic s*x.
Friend: Wow, must be a terrific s*x life?
Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.
Two parents take their son on a vacation to a nude beach.
The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water.
The son comes running up to his mom and says: "Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!"
The mom says: "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play.
Several minutes later he comes running back and says: "Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!"
The mom says: "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play.
Several minutes later he comes running back and says: "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"