Q: What's the worst thing about being lonely?
A: Playing Frisbee.
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Chuck Norris won gold for sitting in the crowd at the olympics.
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Q: What's the difference between me and a calendar?
A: A calendar has dates.
Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm.
His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached.
The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him playing tennis.
"Incredible!," says his friend.
"Medical science is amazing."
Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off.
Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached.
The next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing football.
"Incredible!," says his friend.
"Medical science is amazing!"
Well another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the mill cutting wood when suddenly the same guy bends down too close to the blade and off comes his head.
Well his friend takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached.
The next day he goes to see his friend but can't find him.
He sees the doctor walking down the hall and says, "Doc, where is my friend? I brought him in yesterday."
The doctor thinks for a minute and says, "Oh yeah, some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."
Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.
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5 stages of being single: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, texting your ex something random then going like "sorry wrong message".
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At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35.
Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41."
So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41.
Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.
So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate.
Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: "Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness program."
Q: What do you call black people in a swimming pool?
A: Coco puffs.
Q: What do u call mexicans in the swimming pool?
A: Reeces puffs reeces puffs!
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Joke has 39.55 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: black people, communication, mexican, racist, sport
What’s the hardest thing about learning to ice skate?
The ice.
Q: What do you get when a dinosaur scores a touchdown?
A: A dino-score.