Q: What's the worst thing about being lonely? A: Playing Frisbee.
Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.
Four men were stranded in a desert. Suddenly, 1 of them died. The other 3 decided that the only way to survive was to eat the dead body. The 1st man said, "I support Liverpool, so I'll eat his liver." The 2nd man said, "I support Manchester, so I'll eat his chest." The 3rd man said, "I support Arsenal... but I'm not very hungry!"
Three fans were bemoaning the sorry state of their football team. "I blame the general manager," said the first fan. "If he signed better players, we'd be a great team." "I blame the players," said the second fan. "If they made more of an effort, we'd score some points." "I blame my parents," said the third. "If I'd been born in Seattle, I'd be supporting a decent team."
I don't understand why I'm single my hobbies include smelling my own hair and bragging about how I'm immune to bats.
Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? A. They're married.
'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."
Q:Why is basketball the grossest sport there is? A:Because they dribble all over the court.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.
Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.