Q: What's the worst thing about being lonely?
A: Playing Frisbee.
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5 stages of being single: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, texting your ex something random then going like "sorry wrong message".
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"Siri, why am I still single?"
Siri activates front camera.
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Two guys on a double bike where pedaling up a hill.
It took forever to get to the top.
When they finally got to the top the first guy said in a pant, "Whew, that was so hard."
The second replied, "If I hadn't been pushing the brakes the whole time we would have rolled down backwards."
Your mama so fat, that she can use herself as a bowling ball and get 10 strikes in all of the lanes!
Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.
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Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Thomas replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Thomas answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Thomas replied, "My father doesn't like her."
Peter: Why was the Olympian not able to listen to music?
Matthew: Why?
Peter: Because he broke the record!
If tinder has taught me one thing it's that there is an extraordinary amount of single girls named Shelby that love to ride horses
A redhead, a blonde and a brunette were stuck on an island and had to get back home from the island.
The redhead swims half way and drowns.
The brunette swims half way and drowns too.
The blonde swims halfway gets tired and swims back.
Mothers have Mother's Day and fathers have Father's Day.
What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
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