Q: How do you know when you are stoned? A: When you are too phoned to stone home.
Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale? A: Mr. President.
If you say "alright" in the mirror 3 times Matthew McConaughey will appear and hand you a joint.
It was reported this week that Google would soon launch its own cellphone as a challenge to the iPhone. Also a challenge to the iPhone? Making phone calls.
Chuck Norris was about to die... until the Grim Reaper phoned in sick.
I still don't understand why smoking weed makes you a criminal... When I smoke it the only thing I a threat to is cake.
What do the latest Iphone 6 applications do? Whiten teeth and perform laser eye surgery!
The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
Jimmy is calling Sergey, who he met at an international conference. Jimmy: "Hi, I've hear there is minus 54 degrees Celsius." Sergey: "Nonsense, not even minus 15!" Jimmy: "But on CNN, they've just shown a thermometer..." Sergey: "Ohh, ok, maybe outside."
Q: What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed? A: Han So-high
Yo momma so fat when she stepped on the scale it came up with my phone number.