Joke #11884

Q: How do you know when you are stoned? A: When you are too phoned to stone home.
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has 64.34 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: phone, weed

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Teacher: "In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia?" Pupil: "Holding up the telegraph lines!"
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has 34.91 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: phone, school, teacher, war
There was three guys a sex addict a weed addict and a alcoholic they all went to hell for their sin and was standing in front of the devil. The devil made a deal with them saying I will lock you in a room with what ever you did for a 1000 years and if you get over any of your sins I will send you back to the land of the living, Earth. So the sex addict got locked in a room full of virgins, the alcohol addict got locked in a room full of beer, the weed addict locked in a room full of weed. 1000 years later the Devil goes to the sex addict he comes out saying "Aww my dick hurts I'm never having sex again", poof back to earth. Open the alcoholic room and he say "Im never having beer", and gets sent back to Earth. Then the Devil opens the weed addicts room and the Weed addict punches the Devil in the face and says "you forgot my lighter bitch!"
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has 80.19 % from 410 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, sex, time, vulgar, weed
Q: If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving? A: The cop!
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has 58.67 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, driving, weed
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, we have to be sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the hunter says, "Ok, now what?"
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has 58.67 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: death, hunting, phone
Police Officer: "How high are you?" Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"
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has 85.73 % from 442 votes. More jokes about: cop, weed
Q: What's the difference between my phone and Stephen Hawking? A: When my phone dies, I actually give a fuck.
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has 32.17 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, phone
Chuck Norris can hear his phone ring on silent.
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has 51.61 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
2 girls meet: "Me & my husband are no longer together..." "Why?" "Well, could you live with a person who smokes weed, drinks, has no job and always cusses?" "No, of course I couldn't!" "Well he couldn't either!"
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has 84.98 % from 225 votes. More jokes about: divorce, husband, weed, women, work
Chuck Norris puts phone companies on hold.
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has 50.00 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
I wish my grades would smoke weed too so we could both get higher.
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has 69.30 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: school, weed