Joke #11884

Q: How do you know when you are stoned? A: When you are too phoned to stone home.
Vote:
has 66.38 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: phone, weed

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Three couples marry and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of by Dave the bellboy. The first man married a nurse. Dave thinks to himself, "Nurses are known to be hot to trot." The second man married a telephone operator. Dave thinks to himself, "Telephone operators have sexy voices." The third man married a school teacher. Dave thinks to himself, "Poor guy, teachers are frigid." The next morning, Dave reports to work and gets a room service call from the nurse's husband. He sourly says, "Don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was 'You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary.'" Then, the telephone operator's husband calls and sourly says, "Don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was 'Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up.'" Later that afternoon, the teacher's husband calls and happily says, "When you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was 'We are going to do this over and over until we get right.'"
Vote:
has 65.60 % from 403 votes. More jokes about: couple, holiday, marriage, nurse, phone
Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common? A: They are both baked chickens.
Vote:
has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, weed
Me: "I only smoke weed because of Cancer." Mom: "You don't have Cancer!" Me: "So it's working..."
Vote:
has 78.50 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: family, health, weed
I still don't understand why smoking weed makes you a criminal... When I smoke it the only thing I a threat to is cake.
Vote:
has 55.19 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: food, weed
The manager of the liquor store gets a phone call at 8 pm. "At what time do you open tomorrow?" asked the caller. "At nine," he answered. The phone rings at midnight "What time do you open ... in the morning?" "At nine". The phone rings at 4 in the morning "Whatt tim do ya openn in the mornin?" "I told you before at nine". "Imm just inn aa hury cause i got locked in tha stor las nite."
Vote:
has 41.91 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, phone, time
"What happened to your girlfriend, that really cute math student?" "She no longer is my girlfriend. I caught her cheating on me." "I don't believe that she cheated on you!" "Well, a couple of nights ago I called her on the phone, and she told me that she was in bed wrestling with three unknowns..."
Vote:
has 61.75 % from 105 votes. More jokes about: math, phone, relationship, student
Police Officer: "How high are you?" Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"
Vote:
has 85.63 % from 431 votes. More jokes about: cop, weed
Yo Momma so stupid, she thought seaweed is something fish smoke.
Vote:
has 77.61 % from 815 votes. More jokes about: fish, stupid, weed, Yo mama
Smoke a smoke Not a butt Fuck a virgin Not a slut.
Vote:
has 59.18 % from 133 votes. More jokes about: poems, sex, vulgar, weed
A little lizard was walking through the forest to see his pal the monkey. The monkey call out hey little buddy come up here I got some great pot. So the little lizard climbed up the tree. The little lizard and the monkey smoked a great big joint. The little lizard said hey this stuff is great but I have horrible cottonmouth. Well there is a river just down there. So the little lizard walk down the tree through the brush and started to drink the water. All of a sudden a crocodile came out of the water. Hey little buddy waz up said the croc, "I just got stoned with my pal the monkey." "Really" said the croc, "where is he I want some." He is through the brush and up the tree. So the croc walked through the brush and to the tree. The monkey said "holy shit how much did you drink little buddy."
Vote:
has 57.73 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, weed