Joke #11884

Q: How do you know when you are stoned? A: When you are too phoned to stone home.
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: phone, weed

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A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away." "I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest." The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?" "No," re plies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"
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has 83.08 % from 158 votes. More jokes about: blonde, death, phone, work
Q: What did the Nickelback fan say to the other Nickelback fan when they ran out of weed? A: Man, this music sucks.
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: music, weed
There are three moms. A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde. They were all talking one day and the brunette says "Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed. I cannot believe she smokes weed" They comfort her, and the redhead says "Yeah, well I found a fake I. D. In my daughter's purse. I cannot believe she has one". So they all comfort her. Then the blonde says "That's nothing. I found a condom in my daughter's purse. I just cannot believe she has a penis"
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has 76.45 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: blonde, ginger, sex, stupid, weed
Q: How do all stoner stories start? A: This one time when I was high...
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: time, weed
Jimmy is calling Sergey, who he met at an international conference. Jimmy: "Hi, I've hear there is minus 54 degrees Celsius." Sergey: "Nonsense, not even minus 15!" Jimmy: "But on CNN, they've just shown a thermometer..." Sergey: "Ohh, ok, maybe outside."
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has 64.78 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: phone, technology, winter, work
Calling for information about one of my credit cards, I got the following recorded prompt: "Please enter your account number as it appears on your card or statement." I did as instructed, and the system said, "Please enter your five-digit ZIP code." After I put that in, I got a third message: "If you would like your information in English, press one."
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has 72.77 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, phone
Q. What do prisoners use to call each other? A. Cell phones.
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has 44.88 % from 139 votes. More jokes about: phone, prison
Your mama is so short when she tried to get high she couldn't.
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has 64.05 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: drug, weed, Yo mama
Officer: "your eyes look red man have you been smoking weed." Suspect: "officer your eyes look glazed like you has had doughnuts."
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has 70.92 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: cop, drug, flirt, weed
A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head. 'What are you doing dear?' 'Swatting flies - I got 3 males and 2 females' 'How do you know what sex they were?' The man very confidently replied, "Easy - 3 were on the beer and 2 were on the phone."
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has 49.51 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: beer, husband, old people, phone, women