Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale?
A: Mr. President.
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Q: What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor?
A: Drug Abuse.
Officer: "your eyes look red man have you been smoking weed."
Suspect: "officer your eyes look glazed like you has had doughnuts."
Q: How can you tell if you have smoked too much weed?
A: You can't smoke too much weed.
Your mama is so short when she tried to get high she couldn't.
If the sea was weed and i was a duck i'd swim my way down and smoke my way up, but the sea ain't weed and i'm not a duck so pass me the bong and shut the fuck up
If you say "alright" in the mirror 3 times Matthew McConaughey will appear and hand you a joint.
Q: How do you keep a Republican busy for a week?
A: Turn on the spell checker.
Vote:
New generic drug replacement for Viagra – it's called Mycoxaflopin.
Q: How do all stoner stories start?
A: This one time when I was high...
A guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
The girl behind the counter says, “What size?”
He says, “I don’t know.”
She hold up a finger and says, “That big?”
He says, “Bigger.”
She holds up three fingers and says, “That big?”
He says, “Smaller?”
She holds up two fingers and he says, “That’s it.”
She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, “Medium.”