Joke #11870

Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale? A: Mr. President.

Q: What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor? A: Drug Abuse.

Officer: "your eyes look red man have you been smoking weed." Suspect: "officer your eyes look glazed like you has had doughnuts."

Q: How can you tell if you have smoked too much weed? A: You can't smoke too much weed.

Your mama is so short when she tried to get high she couldn't.

If the sea was weed and i was a duck i'd swim my way down and smoke my way up, but the sea ain't weed and i'm not a duck so pass me the bong and shut the fuck up

If you say "alright" in the mirror 3 times Matthew McConaughey will appear and hand you a joint.

In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test, and said, "Johnny I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests." Johnny was astounded and asked Mr. Johnson to prove it. "Well, said Mr. Johnson, I was looking over your test and the question was, 'Who was our first president?', and the little girl that sits next to you, Mary, put 'George Washington,' and so did you." "So, everyone knows that he was the first president." "Well, just wait a minute," said Mr. Johnson. "The next question was, 'Who freed the slaves?' Mary put Abraham Lincoln and so did you." "Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that," said Johnny. "Wait, wait," said Mr. Johnson. "The next question was, 'Who was president during the Louisiana Purchase?' Mary put 'I don't know,' and you put, 'Me neither'."

A patient: "Doctor, I don’t feel hungry after taking meal." Doctor: "Really, your condition is very serious. Wait a bit." (After sometime, the doctor holds out some medicines). Doctor: "Take these pills. You take one pill after your sleep and another one before you get-up."

Q: What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed? A: Han So-high

Two skeletons meet, and one asks the other, "Did you die before the Social Security reform, or after?" "No, I'm still alive."