Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale?
A: Mr. President.
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Q: What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor?
A: Drug Abuse.
Officer: "your eyes look red man have you been smoking weed."
Suspect: "officer your eyes look glazed like you has had doughnuts."
Your mama is so short when she tried to get high she couldn't.
Q: How can you tell if you have smoked too much weed?
A: You can't smoke too much weed.
If the sea was weed and i was a duck i'd swim my way down and smoke my way up, but the sea ain't weed and i'm not a duck so pass me the bong and shut the fuck up
If you say "alright" in the mirror 3 times Matthew McConaughey will appear and hand you a joint.
Your mama's so fat the government forced her to wear tailights and blinkers so no one else would get hurt.
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. “Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?”
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn’t heard the question.
“Isn’t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” the lawyer repeated.
The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, “Sir, please answer the question.”
“Oh,” the startled witness said, “I thought he was talking to you.”
At a Whitehouse party for past presidents.
Michelle Obama caught Barron Trump making faces at Sasha.
Michelle walked over to reprimand the child and said, "Barron, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."
Baron looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Obama, you can't say you weren't warned."
I bought these shoes from a drug dealer.
I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day!
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