Joke #11885

Q: What did the Nickelback fan say to the other Nickelback fan when they ran out of weed? A: Man, this music sucks.

A little lizard was walking through the forest to see his pal the monkey. The monkey call out hey little buddy come up here I got some great pot. So the little lizard climbed up the tree. The little lizard and the monkey smoked a great big joint. The little lizard said hey this stuff is great but I have horrible cottonmouth. Well there is a river just down there. So the little lizard walk down the tree through the brush and started to drink the water. All of a sudden a crocodile came out of the water. Hey little buddy waz up said the croc, "I just got stoned with my pal the monkey." "Really" said the croc, "where is he I want some." He is through the brush and up the tree. So the croc walked through the brush and to the tree. The monkey said "holy shit how much did you drink little buddy."

You can't buy happiness but you can buy weed… and that's pretty close.

Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.

Q: If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving? A: The cop!

How do you suffocate a nigger? Tell him there's weed inside the pillowcase.

Is Lady Gaga wonder woman because we all wonder if she's a woman?

"Johny, please, tell us, what do you do the whole day, so?" "So, in the morning I cut the wood, sometimes with both hands, 5 minutes a day I play the guitar, to tell the truth. And in the afternoon I go to my garden to water the flowers. The lilies of the valleys and may-flowers I water most likely. Yes, they are really cute. Then I tear the leaflets to find out if the neighbor (her husband is not at home) loves me or not. The last time it came out that she loves me, fuck."

A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands. "Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?" "I don’t see why not," replies the doctor. "That’s funny," says the man. "I wasn’t able to play it before."

Q: How do you know when you are stoned? A: When you are too phoned to stone home.

Q: How can you tell if you have smoked too much weed? A: You can't smoke too much weed.