Q: What did the Nickelback fan say to the other Nickelback fan when they ran out of weed?
A: Man, this music sucks.
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Chuck Norris can skip a track on a cassette.
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A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie.
When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture.
The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porn film and it was due out in a month.
A month later, the musician went to a porn theatre to see the adult movie.
With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row of the adult cinema, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.
The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M, bondage and even a dog.
After a while watching the adult movie, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I'm only here to listen to the music."
"Yeah?" replied the man. "We're only here to see our dog."
Three kids were smoking behind the shed.
"My dad can blow smoke through his nose!" boasted the first.
"Ha, mine can blow smoke through this ears!" countered the second boy.
"That’s nothing," piped up the third. "My dad can blow smoke through his arse. I know,‘cos I’ve seen the nicotine stains on his undies."
If you say "alright" in the mirror 3 times Matthew McConaughey will appear and hand you a joint.
Q: What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed?
A: Han So-high
Q: How do you know when you are stoned?
A: When you are too phoned to stone home.
Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale?
A: Mr. President.
Your mama is so short when she tried to get high she couldn't.
2 girls meet:
"Me & my husband are no longer together..."
"Why?"
"Well, could you live with a person who smokes weed, drinks, has no job and always cusses?"
"No, of course I couldn't!"
"Well he couldn't either!"