Hypocrisy: When a Jehovahs Witness doesn't celebrate Halloween because they don't like random people knocking on their doors.
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Two monsters went to a Halloween party.
Suddenly one said to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?"
The other monster replied, "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."
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Q: Why aren't there more famous skeletons?
A: They're a bunch of no bodies!
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Chuck Norris is like an F5 Tornado...
When you see him coming you better run for cover and pray to God he doesn't find you...
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I'm going trick or treating with my mum tonight.
It's the only time I can take her out as she's been dead for ten years.
Q: What do you call Bin Laden when he lost his virginity?
A: Osama Bin Laiden.
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My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.
Q: Know why skeletons are so calm?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin.
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There was an old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time, so they decided to dress up and go out.
The old woman went in her bedroom, stripped naked, and tied a string between her legs with a lemon at the end of the string.
When she walked out of the room her husband yelled, "You can't go out like that!"
"I can go out as whatever I want and so can you!"
The man agreed and went into his room.
Soon he came out naked with a string tied to his penis and a potato at the end of the string.
The woman said, "You're going out as that?"
"Yes," said the old man. "If you can go out as a sourpuss, I can go out as a dicktator."
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Yo mama so ugly people dress up as her for Halloween!
It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat".
The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as.
"I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.