Hypocrisy: When a Jehovahs Witness doesn't celebrate Halloween because they don't like random people knocking on their doors.
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A: Oh c'mon, it knows every little kid.
Q: What do birds give out on Halloween?
A: Tweets!
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In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine.
But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween?
A: On blood vessels.
Q: Know why skeletons are so calm?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin.
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I'm going trick or treating with my mum tonight.
It's the only time I can take her out as she's been dead for ten years.
There was an old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time, so they decided to dress up and go out.
The old woman went in her bedroom, stripped naked, and tied a string between her legs with a lemon at the end of the string.
When she walked out of the room her husband yelled, "You can't go out like that!"
"I can go out as whatever I want and so can you!"
The man agreed and went into his room.
Soon he came out naked with a string tied to his penis and a potato at the end of the string.
The woman said, "You're going out as that?"
"Yes," said the old man. "If you can go out as a sourpuss, I can go out as a dicktator."
Vote:
On Halloween, children give Chuck Norris candy.
Vote:
A deer hunter who was an atheist was out in the woods when suddenly a 1,000-pound deer stepped out.
"Good God!" exclaimed the hunter.
Suddenly, a voice from Heaven said, "I thought you don't believe in me."
The hunter replied, "Up until now I didn't believe in 1,000-pound deer either."