Boy: What's it called when 3 people have sex? Girl: A threesome. Boy: What's it called when two people have sex? Girl: A twosome. Boy: Now you know why they call me handsome.
A ship goes out to sea and crashes. 6 people (1 woman and 5 men) survive and use a safety raft to float to this deserted island. Well, after spending several weeks on the island, they all begin to get really lonely and sexually deprived. So they come to this agreement. All of the men will marry the one woman for a week. So the first man has her for one week, the second man has her for the second week, and so on. Everyone will now be getting sex and they all agree to it. This goes on for five years and everyone is happy. Each man gets sex every fifth week and the woman gets to have sex whenever she wants with a different man every week. Well, a few weeks into the fifth year, the woman dies. The first week is pretty bad, the second week is still pretty bad, the third week is getting worse, the fourth week things are just bad, real bad, and the fifth week is just awful. It’s getting so very bad that on the sixth week they buried her.
What is 6.9? A great thing ruined by a period.
A woman places an ad in the local newspaper. "Looking for a man with three qualifications: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed." Two days later her doorbell rings. "Hi, I’m Tim. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no legs so I won't run away." "What makes you think you are great in bed?" the woman retorts. Tim replies, "I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?"
What's the difference between a dead baby and a table? You can't fuck a table.
What’s the difference between erotic and kinky? Erotic is using a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken.
Q: What do you call the sweat on your balls after having sex with your cousin? A: Relative humidity.
What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called? The man.
Why do women need guys? Vibrators don’t usually pay for drinks.
Q: Why would a blonde wear green lipstick? A: Because red means Stop.
Why are guys like microwavable meals? They’re both done in 30 seconds.