A man and woman are lying in bed after a disappointing bout of sex.
‘You’ve got a very small organ,’ says the woman.
The man replies, ‘Well I didn’t know I’d be playing in the Albert Hall.’
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A desperate man goes to the doctor because he can't get a hard-on.
He says " Doc I can't live without sex, I need the use of my equipment back!!
" The Doc says " There is an experimental procedure where the mucles
of a baby elephants' trunk are removed and implanted in your penis, this
gives you the full use of your penis."
Great I'll do it.
Some time after the procedure, the man is at dinner with his date.
He feels a rustle in his pants.
So he just ignored it.
It happens again.
So he figured it just needed some air.
So he unzips his pants to let it
out. The problem seemed to go away until his penis reached up onto the
table, grabbed a roll and disapeared back under the table.
His date stared
in complete awe and said " Can you do that again".
He said " Probally but I don't think I could fit another roll up my ass."
Q: Did you hear about the couple that "96ed?"
A: After they "69ed" they rolled over and sh*t in each other's hair.
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Yo mama ass so big your dad's dick gets lost in it.
Charlie marries a virgin.
On their wedding night, he's on fire, and wants some dirty fun so he gets naked, jumps into bed, and immediately begins groping her.
"Charles, I expect you to be as mannerly in bed as you are at the dinner table."
So, Charlie folds his hands on his lap and says, "Is this better?"
"Much better!" she replies with a smile.
"Okay, then," he says, "now will you please pass the pussy."
My friend over there really wants your number so he knows where to get a hold of me in the morning.
What did Adam say to Eve?
‘Stand back!
I don’t know how big this thing gets!’
What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
Sex.
‘After making love, I said to my girl, “Was it good for you too?”
And she said, “I don’t think this was good for anybody.”’
Garry Shandling
What happened when the chef got his hand caught in the dishwasher?
They both got fired.
Mothers have Mother's Day and fathers have Father's Day.
What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
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