A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. "Do you want a bag?", the cashier asks. "No", the guy says, "She's not that ugly."
A guy goes into this bar, sits down and orders a drink. While waiting, he sees a guy sitting at the bar who has a very big muscular body but a little tiny head. So, he asks the guy, "How is it that you have such a huge body and a small head?" The guy replied, "I was walking along the beach one day and I came across this bottle buried halfway in the sand. So I picked it up, brushed away the sand, and out popped this fine female genie. She said she would grant me three wishes for releasing her." "For my first wish, I asked for ten-million dollars, and POOF right there on the sand was $10,000,00." "For my second wish, I asked for a luxury yacht, and POOF right there on the ocean was a 90-foot yacht." "Finally for my third wish, I asked to have sex with the genie, but she said that genies were not allowed to indulge in that kind of activities." So, I said, "c'mon, how about a little head?"
Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you’ve been telling people that I’m ugly!" "Oh NO! I’ve just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive." "I also heard that you’ve been calling me fat?" "Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are." "I’ve also heard that you’re saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!" "Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"
Yo Mama's so ugly, I can f**k her in any position and it'll still be doggie-style.
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A: Ask your mom.
Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
Yo mama so ugly when she auditioned for a horror movie they sent her to a professional!
A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
Yo mama is so ugly, Bob the Builder said: '' holy fuck we can't fix that.''
What is the smallest hotel in the world? A p***y - because you gotta leave your bags outside!
Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life no one helps you once you're fucked.