Q: What's brown and very bad for your dental health?
A: A baseball bat.
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One morning, while she was making breakfast, the local fitness freak walked up to his wife, pinched her on the bum and said, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."
This was a bit over the limit, but she controlled herself and replied with silence.
Next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast.
"You know love if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bras."
That was too far over the limit.
She rolled over and grabbed him by the penis.
Maintaining a vice grip, she whispered in his ear, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the pool man, the gardener and your brother."
Ten years without brushing causes horrible tooth decade.
Q: Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused a Novocain injection during root canal treatment?
A: He wanted to transcend dental medication!
My dental hygienist is cute.
Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby.
Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
What’s the difference between England and a tea bag?
The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
Basketball
What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?
The NBA
Vote:
You know who's mad at Kobe?
Every other player in the NBA.
You know why?
Cause he messed around on his wife and bought her a $4 million ring.
Yeah, you know what that means: that's the new minimum.
Cause you know how women are, man.
Women get upset: "Oh, really, what's this? A $1 million ring? What - did that bitch get my $3 million, too?"
Even though telemarketers are slightly less beloved than dentists and tax auditors, that's the job my friend took during his summer vacation.
Halfway through one of his sales pitches, he heard a clicking at the other end of the line.
Thinking the man may have hung up, he asked, "Are you still there?"
"Yeah, still here," said the man.
"Sorry, I heard a click and I thought you'd been disconnected."
"No," the man said, "that would sound more like this."
He then proceeded to show me what it would sound like by slamming down the phone.
Vote:
I was on a train and this woman opposite looked at me and said "Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place..."
I asked "Are you single?"
She replied "No, I'm a dentist."
The All Blacks were playing England, and after the half-time whistle blew they found themselves ahead 50-0, Jonah Lomu getting eight tries.
The rest of the team decided to head for the pub instead of playing the second half, leaving Jonah to go out on his own.
"No worries," Jonah told them, "I'll join you later and tell you what happened."
After the game Jonah headed for the pub where he told his teammates the final score: 95-3.
"What!!!!" said a furious Josh Kronfeld, "How did you let them get three points??!"
Jonah replied apologetically, "I was sent off with 20 minutes to go."