Joke #12099

To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm turning my house into an Italian restaurant.
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has 62.14 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: business, Christmas

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An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart. Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy. Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell. A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face. "Holy cow! What's that smell?" "I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?" "Like someone crapped a Christmas tree."
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has 61.91 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: business, Christmas, fart, life
James and Neil were fortunate enough to have a season ticket to watch Manchester United. They could not help noticing that there was always a spare seat next (A16) to them and they had a friend who would love to buy a season ticket, especially if all three could have seats together. One half-time Neil went to the ticket office and asked if they could buy the season ticket for A16. The official said that unfortunately the ticket had been sold. Nevertheless, week after week the seat was still empty. Then on Boxing day, much to James and Neil's amazement the seat was taken for the first time that season. Neil could not resist asking the newcomer, 'Where have you been all season'. 'Don't ask' he said, 'the wife bought the season ticket back last summer, and kept it for a surprise Christmas present.'
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, soccer, sport, wife
I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.
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has 44.84 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: baby, Christmas, flirt, sex
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for 20 minutes.
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has 55.11 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, office, party, time
Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get? A: Mistle-toes!
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has 58.14 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: athlete, Christmas, elf
I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
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has 55.51 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: business, flirt, food, money, sex
Your mamma so old that her first Christmas was the first Christmas when Jusse said his first words you a hoe.
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has 30.41 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: age, Christmas, Yo mama
There were three guys at a bar. One was a college student, one was a buisness man and the other was a biker. The student tells the two other men that it was his aniversary and he got his wife a pearl necklace and a trip to the Bahamas "Shit if she doesnt like the necklace she'll love the trip" he said. So the buisness man said "That's nice, for my last aniversary I got my wife a Mercades and a new mansion, if she didn't like the mercades she has to like the new mansion. " As the biker finished his drink he said "For my last aniversary I got my wife a t-shirt and a vibrator. If she didn't like the t-shirt she can go fuck herself."
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has 66.49 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: bar, business, college, school, student
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. “All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards.”
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has 53.04 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: airplane, business, lawyer
If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?
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has 61.38 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: business, dirty