Q: What do you call Santa Claus with muscles?
A: Mr. XMass
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Chuck Norris has only used the 'Total Gym' twice in his life.
When his eyes are open - and when they are closed.
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This elliptical isn't the only thing getting my heart rate up.
Yo momma is so poor for Christmas she got a box, put two sticks on it, spun it and said son here's your xbox 360.
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas.
At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.
"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..."
"I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO..."
"I PRAY FOR A NEW STEREO..."
His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
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The Grinch steals Christmas from Santa, Chuck Norris steals Christmas from the Grinch.
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A colleague was planning a trip to my business office and asked if I could find him a hotel with exercise facilities.
I called several hotels, with no luck.
Finally, I thought I had found one.
I asked the receptionist if the hotel had a weight room.
"No," she replied, "but we have a lobby and you can wait there."
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When Chuck Norris works out at the gym, he doesn't sweat.
The weights do.
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This Christmas, Santa is sending a message to the naughty children to stop being bad.
He stuffing their stocking with Chuck Norris!
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How'd you like to go on a long romantic walk on the treadmill?
Q: Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger train on a desert island?
A: He wanted maximum isolation.
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