Q: What do you call Santa Claus with muscles?
A: Mr. XMass
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At Christmas time, there's nothing I love more than sitting in front of a warm fire, mulled wine in hand, and singing Christmas songs until I slowly fall asleep.
Maybe that's why I'm no longer a fireman.
Alfie was listening to his sister practice her singing.
"Sis," he said, "I wish you'd sing Christmas carols."
"Thats nice of you, Alfie," she replied, "but why?"
Alfie replied, "Because then I'd only have to hear your voice once a year!"
While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set.
"If you get your train," I told him, "your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?"
The boy became very quiet.
So, moving the conversation along, I asked, "What else would you like Santa to bring you?"
He promptly replied, "Another train."
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Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get?
A: Mistle-toes!
Strong people don't put other people down.
They lift them up and slam them to the ground for maximum impact.
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I forgot to post on Facebook I was going to the gym.
Now this whole workout was a waste of time.
Q: What did the deaf, blind, mute girl get for Christmas?
A: Cancer.
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The Total Gym uses Chuck Norris to stay in shape.
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Chuck Norris can do push-ups in a sit-up position.
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A colleague was planning a trip to my business office and asked if I could find him a hotel with exercise facilities.
I called several hotels, with no luck.
Finally, I thought I had found one.
I asked the receptionist if the hotel had a weight room.
"No," she replied, "but we have a lobby and you can wait there."
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