Q: What do you call Santa Claus with muscles?
A: Mr. XMass
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I do two hours of cardio every day.
But I still need to find the closest parking spot to the gym.
If Santa comes down the chimney this year and tries to stuff you in his sack, don't worry, because I wished for you for Christmas.
Chuck Norris doesn't celebrate Xmas, Xmas celebrates Chuck Norris.
Vote:
Chicken to turkey: "Only Thanksgiving and Christmas? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."
At Christmas time, there's nothing I love more than sitting in front of a warm fire, mulled wine in hand, and singing Christmas songs until I slowly fall asleep.
Maybe that's why I'm no longer a fireman.
Santa leaves out cookies for Chuck Norris.
Vote:
Do you believe in love at first set?
Or should I curl this barbell another 10 times?
The Grinch steals Christmas from Santa, Chuck Norris steals Christmas from the Grinch.
Vote:
No time for gym?
Please tell me how you watch 3 hours of TV every night.
An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator.
Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart.
Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy.
Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell.
A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face.
"Holy cow! What's that smell?"
"I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?"
"Like someone crapped a Christmas tree."