Chuck Norris doesn't celebrate Xmas, Xmas celebrates Chuck Norris.
The Grinch stole Christmas until Chuck Norris ordered him to return it.
This Christmas, Santa is sending a message to the naughty children to stop being bad. He stuffing their stocking with Chuck Norris!
The only Christmas present Chuck Norris ever gives is allowing you to live.
Santa leaves out cookies for Chuck Norris.
The Grinch steals Christmas from Santa, Chuck Norris steals Christmas from the Grinch.
The Grinch didn't really steal Christmas. He just hired Chuck Norris.
Q: What do cannibal tax advisors do after their office Christmas Dinner? A: Toast their clients.
A school bus driver stopped the vehicle to take little George out. The kid opened the door and saw his grandmother reaching her hands to grab him. The driver though, to make sure that that person is really a family member, asks the kid. "Is this really your grandmother?" "Yes. She visits every Christmas!" "Very good! And when she stays at he rest of the year?" the driver insists. "At the airport!," says the kid and continues, "Whenever we feel like, we go there and we take her home..."
Chuck Norris is the most feared predator on the planet. That's why sharks have a Chuck Norris week.
A total eclipse won't look directly at Chuck Norris.