What did the big angel say to the little angel on Christmas Eve?
Answer: "Halo there!"
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While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set.
"If you get your train," I told him, "your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?"
The boy became very quiet.
So, moving the conversation along, I asked, "What else would you like Santa to bring you?"
He promptly replied, "Another train."
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Q: What did the farmer say when he is driving down the road on a steep hill and his right front wheel falls off?
A: "You picked a poor time to leave me loose wheel."
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Yo mama is so fat that it's still printing her picture she took during her last Christmas.
Q: What do you call a bunch of black people running up a hill?
A: Backed up sewage.
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I quit my gym this morning because one of the instructors started shouting at me,
"Come on man, you've got to want it! Come on push. You can do it."
I hate being disturbed when I'm having a dump.
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A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights.
I showed her our top brand, but, wanting to make sure each bulb worked, she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in.
I did, and each one lit up.
"Great," she said.
I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box.
But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed.
"I don't want this box," she said abruptly. "It's been opened."
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How to speak Irish:
Whale
Oil
Beef
Hooked
Say them all quickly.
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Little Johnny: „Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?"
Mother: „No, you'll be getting turkey, like every year!"
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What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells!