What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells!
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Your moms like a christmass tree all the guys put there balls on her.
A school bus driver stopped the vehicle to take little George out.
The kid opened the door and saw his grandmother reaching her hands to grab him.
The driver though, to make sure that that person is really a family member, asks the kid.
"Is this really your grandmother?"
"Yes. She visits every Christmas!"
"Very good! And when she stays at he rest of the year?" the driver insists.
"At the airport!," says the kid and continues, "Whenever we feel like, we go there and we take her home..."
Q: Why do Mexicans have tamales for Christmas?
A: So they'll have something to unwrap.
To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm turning my house into an Italian restaurant.
Q: What is an atheist's favorite Christmas movie?
A: "Coincidence on 34th Street"
Chuck Norris doesn't celebrate Xmas, Xmas celebrates Chuck Norris.
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A: Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars?
A: Elfis!
James and Neil were fortunate enough to have a season ticket to watch Manchester United.
They could not help noticing that there was always a spare seat next (A16) to them and they had a friend who would love to buy a season ticket, especially if all three could have seats together.
One half-time Neil went to the ticket office and asked if they could buy the season ticket for A16.
The official said that unfortunately the ticket had been sold. Nevertheless, week after week the seat was still empty.
Then on Boxing day, much to James and Neil's amazement the seat was taken for the first time that season.
Neil could not resist asking the newcomer, 'Where have you been all season'.
'Don't ask' he said, 'the wife bought the season ticket back last summer, and kept it for a surprise Christmas present.'
Santa leaves out cookies for Chuck Norris.
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