Joke #12230

I visited my new friend in his flat. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

I posted a blonde joke on facebook accompanied by: "for my blonde friends... an apology". One of them responded. "You don't have to apologise for having blonde friends."

Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.

It can buy a House But not a Home It can buy a Bed But not Sleep It can buy a Clock But not Time It can buy you a Book But not Knowledge It can buy you a Position But not Respect It can buy you Medicine But not Health It can buy you Blood But not Life So you see, Money isn't everything. And it often causes pain and suffering. I tell you all this because I am your Friend, and as your Friend I want totake away your pain and suffering... So send me all your money and I will suffer for you. A more true Friend you will never find.

Q. How are fat girls and mopeds alike? A. They are fun to ride but you don't want your friends to find out.

My friend to me "I don't understand why Chuck Norris is the butt of so many jokes." Me to the friend "Well he does kick a lot of them."

My friend's father died last night so I asked him "What was the cause of his father's death?" He said, "A bus passed over his finger!" I laughed and told him: "It is not a suitable cause." My friend said: "When the bus crashed, his finger was on his nose!"

Your mama so old she was friends with Cleopatra.

A Serb and an Albanian from Kosovo found a lamp, rubbed it and the Ginnie showed up in front of them. "I will grant you three wishes for setting me free out of this lamp. But, since there are two of you, one can have two wishes and the other only one". A Serb said: "I am very modest, I'll have one wish. Let my Albanian friend have two". "What is your first wish?", the Ginnie asked Albanian. "I wish that there are no Serbs in Kosovo at all any more". "Done", said the Ginnie. " What is your second wish?" "I wish that whole of Kosovo is surrounded with high wall, so no more Serbs can return ever again". " Done", said the Ginnie. "Now you", sad the Ginnie to a Serb, "What is that you wish?". A Serb was thinking for a moment, than asked the Ginnie: "Are there realy no more Serbs in Kosovo at all?". "That's right", said the Ginnie. "And whole of Kosovo is surrounded with high wall?", a Serb asked again. "It certainly is. All around. Not even a fly could enter it now", the Ginnie replied. Then Serb said: "OK, now fill it up with water""

What is the best type of ship? FRIENDSHIP!

Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first. - Steve Irwin (1962 - 2006)