How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
When his hand caught fire.
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What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman?
A baby with a black eye!
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3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome.
So next time someone calls you handsome, don't take it as a compliment!
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 95%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
Girl, do you need to get your protein macros up?
Because I'd gladly put my meat inside you.
Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together.
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A ship goes out to sea and crashes.
6 people (1 woman and 5 men) survive and use a safety raft to float to this deserted island.
Well, after spending several weeks on the island, they all begin to get really lonely and sexually deprived.
So they come to this agreement.
All of the men will marry the one woman for a week.
So the first man has her for one week, the second man has her for the second week, and so on.
Everyone will now be getting sex and they all agree to it.
This goes on for five years and everyone is happy.
Each man gets sex every fifth week and the woman gets to have sex whenever she wants with a different man every week.
Well, a few weeks into the fifth year, the woman dies.
The first week is pretty bad, the second week is still pretty bad, the third week is getting worse, the fourth week things are just bad, real bad, and the fifth week is just awful.
It’s getting so very bad that on the sixth week they buried her.
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A redneck family shares one vehicle, the daughter asks her dad for the truck.
The father says "okay, you know what to do."
Then continues to lower his pants, the daughter says "daddy why's there shit on your dick."
The father then replies "ohhhh, that's right honey, your brother has the truck."
Q: What food diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%?
A: Her wedding cake.
Holy mother, full of grace Bless my boyfriend's gorgeous face
Bless his hair that tends to curl
Keep him safe from all the girls
Bless his arms that are so strong
Keep his hands where they belong
Bless his dick, the one i sucked
Bless the bed, in which we fucked
And if my Mom happened to walk in
Bless the shit I'd be in.