How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
When his hand caught fire.
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Robert came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.
'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', Asked Robert.
'I'm going to Nairobi', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get 4000 a night for what I give you for free!
'Robert said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.
'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife.
Robert said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on 8000 a year!'
What two things in the air can make a woman pregnant?
Her feet.
Lesbians can also take Viagra.
They don't have to swallow it, they just let it melt in their tongues.
My doctor examined my testicles for me and found two small lumps.
Luckily it turned out they were my testicles.
Masturbation is like procrastination, it’s all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself!
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mom.
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife.
Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.
After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact, “Mary. Mary.”
“Is that you, Fred?”
“Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.”
“What’s it like?”
“Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, off to the golf course, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, and then I have sex twice. I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, golf course again. Then have sex until late at night. The next day it starts again.”
“Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven.”
“Not exactly, I’m a sheep in Wales.”
Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind.
Son: Dad im over here.
Vote:
I’m not cheap, but I am on special this week.