She said "Gym or me".
Sometimes I miss her.
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Q: What is a banana's favorite gymnastic move?
A: The splits!
A man with a very small head walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why is your head so small?"
He replies, "I was stuck on this island and there was nothing but beautiful women there who had never seen a man before. So I had sex with all of them. Their leader, who was the most beautiful of all, had the power to grant anybody one wish, so I asked her to have sex with me. She said she would grant me anything but that, so I said, "Would a little head be out of the question?"
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Question: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
Answer: Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
When Chuck Norris finishes his workout, the gym takes a break.
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When Chuck Norris goes to the gym the treadmill sweats.
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In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Do you know why women aren't allowed in space?
To avoid scenarios like: "Houston, we have a problem!"
"What is the problem?"
"Yeah, great, pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about!"
What do you do for exercise?
I lift weights.
What do you do for cardio?
I lift weights faster.
Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
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