Q: What do you call a pot of angry water?
A: Boiling mad.
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Once upon a time, my wife and I were in the local restaurant.
We have talked to each other, but after a while, I have become quiet and then I started to talk, I have said: "you know, I love you so much, I will never leave you, never, ever, every single day I think only of you, we will be always together."
My wife has asked me: "Oh, darling, these words were addressed to me?"
I have said only: "Oh, no, sorry, darling, this time I am talking to this bottle of beer."
I haven't spoken to the mother in law for 6 months now... apparently, it's rude to interrupt!
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Q: Why did the bodybuilder buy tape from the hardware store?
A: Somebody told him he was ripped!
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[first day as a pilot]
Control tower: What are your coordinates?
Me: I'm by a cloud that looks like a lion.
Control tower: Can you be more specific?
Me: Simba
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Q: Famous last words of a bomb disposal expert?
A: "Yes, the red wire."
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The friend of my mother has taken look at the photo on which I was and has said: "yeah, the stepfather of Johny is a real expert of breeding of meaty pig types."
Yo' Mama got one eye and one leg. We call her IHOP.
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Your mama's so fat she asked for a water bed and we threw a blanket on the ocean.
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Don't get upset if I ask you where something is in Target when you choose to wear a red shirt and khakis to shop.
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