Q: What do you call a pot of angry water?
A: Boiling mad.
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The following is supposedly a true story relating a situation that actually occurred in Los Angeles.
The Marines were backing-up LAPD on a call that someone had broken into a store.
At the scene, the cop told the Marines to "cover" him as he approached the store (to police, "cover" means to point your weapons in the direction of the threat, to Marines it means to lay down a base of fire!).
The Marines promptly laid down a base of the fire.
The Marines fired 178 rounds before they stopped shooting.
The thief, probably a little scared at this point, called 911 and reported, "They're shooting at me!"
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My dick is too long and it causes some problems for me.
On the other day when I with my girlfriend went to cinema suddenly I had an erection so that the shadow of my penis was reflected on the screen.
Somebody from the corner shouted: "Mr bald sit down please we want to see the movie!"
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Q: What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A: A dino-snore!
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Q: What did the seal say when found nuts in the sea?
A: "Look I found deep nuts."
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Chuck Norris is a man of few words.
Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.
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Q: What is astronauts favorite game in space?
A: Moonopoly.
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A man walks into a sperm Bank.
He approaches a man who has just walked out of a donating cubicle.
He decides to start a conversation with him.
He approaches the man and says "So then, do you come here often?"
The man replies "Only when the internets off" and walks off.
Q: What is a parrot's favorite game?
A: Hide and Speak!
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One day, a guy walks into a pub and orders a beer.
His friend walks up and sees his red eyes and asks, "Dude, are you okay? You look exhausted".
He replies,"Yeah, I heard about what happened in your house yesterday too. Tough."
His friend says, "Yeah, I wish I could trust my wife a little more - wait... How did you know about that?"
He says,"I was there" and continues chugging his beer.
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Your mama's so fat she asked for a water bed and we threw a blanket on the ocean.
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