Joke #125

Q: Why have scientists started using lawyers for experiments instead of rats? A: They don't become so attached to the lawyers.
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has 57.92 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, science

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George and Harry out in a hot air balloon to cross the Atlantic Ocean. After 37 hours in the air, George says "Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are". Harry let's out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends to below the cloud cover. George says, "I still can't tell where we are, let's ask that guy on the ground". So Harry yells down at the man "Hey, could you tell us where we are?" The man on the ground yells back "You're in a balloon, 100 feet up in the air". George turns to Harry and says "That man must be a lawyer". And Harry says "How can you tell?". George says "Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate and totally useless". That's the end of the Joke, but for you people who are still worried about George and Harry: They end up in the drink, and make the front page of the New York Times: "Balloonists Soaked by Lawyer".
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has 65.57 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, math, science, time, travel
Teacher: What is the chemical formula for water? Ramu: "HIJKLMNO"!! Teacher: What are you talking about? Ramu: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
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has 82.14 % from 413 votes. More jokes about: school, science
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? A: Clothes.
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has 61.39 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: dirty, insulting, lawyer, mean, sex
Why won't sharks attack lawyers? "Professional courtesy."
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Yo mama's so fat, she's the reason why the universe is expanding.
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has 73.27 % from 128 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, science, Yo mama
E only equals MC² because Chuck Norris allows it too.
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has 57.40 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, science
A man walked into a lawyer's office. "How much does your advice cost?" he asked the lawyer. "Fifty dollars for three questions," replied the lawyer. "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man. "Yes," the lawyer replied, "And what was your third question?"
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money
Why don’t lawyers enjoy fishing? Because it’s too much like work, what with all the lying involved.
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has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra? A: He gets taller.
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has 32.79 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: insulting, lawyer, mean, viagra
A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his former accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The accountant does not answer. The Godfather asks again, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you." The Godfather says, "Well ask him where my damn money is!" The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the 3 million dollars is. The accountant signs back, "I don’t know what you are talking about." The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He doesn’t know what you are talking about." The Godfather pulls out a 9 millimeter pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, "Ask him again where my damn money is!" The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where it is!" The accountant signs back, "OK! OK! OK! The money is hidden in a brown suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!" The Godfather says, "Well... what did he say?" The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He says…go to hell... that you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger."
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has 76.26 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: accountant, lawyer, money