Joke #125

Q: Why have scientists started using lawyers for experiments instead of rats? A: They don't become so attached to the lawyers.
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has 57.92 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, science

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George and Harry out in a hot air balloon to cross the Atlantic Ocean. After 37 hours in the air, George says "Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are". Harry let's out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends to below the cloud cover. George says, "I still can't tell where we are, let's ask that guy on the ground". So Harry yells down at the man "Hey, could you tell us where we are?" The man on the ground yells back "You're in a balloon, 100 feet up in the air". George turns to Harry and says "That man must be a lawyer". And Harry says "How can you tell?". George says "Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate and totally useless". That's the end of the Joke, but for you people who are still worried about George and Harry: They end up in the drink, and make the front page of the New York Times: "Balloonists Soaked by Lawyer".
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has 63.51 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, math, science, time, travel
Your Mother is so fat, her water heater needs a nuclear reactor.
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has 57.73 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: fat, science, Yo mama
A young lawyer was working on a farmer’s case, which asked compensation from the train company because one of they’re trains killed 24 pigs of his. At the High Court, wanting to make impression of the damage amount, the lawyer says: There were 24 pigs gentlemen! Twice as much than you!
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has 48.78 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, lawyer
A lawyer died and was standing in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "you can't come in here... you have to go to the other place". But the lawyer was really good and pleaded his case to the point where St. Peter said, "OK... here's what I'll do. You will spend the same amount of time in hell as you did on earth, and then you can spend the rest of eternity up here." The lawyer figured this wasn't too bad of a deal, so he said "OK". St. Peter said, "Great... I'll see you in 350 years.". The lawyer said, "But, how is that possible... I'm only 65 years old!". St Peter said, "We go by billing hours".
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has 81.72 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: age, death, heaven, lawyer
What is the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? The vampire sucks you’re blood only at midnight!
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has 12.72 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Yo mama's so fat, she's the reason why the universe is expanding.
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has 72.63 % from 129 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, science, Yo mama
He was a very keen lawyer, he even named his daughter ‘Sue’.
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has 46.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Did you hear about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her.
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: blonde, science, stupid
One day a medical professor and his class were standing over a corpse and the professor said, "There are two things to being a medical forensicist. First: Don't fear anything." After saying that, the professor shoved his middle finger up the corpse's anus and licked it. He then told the class to do the same. After hesitating, they all did it. "Next," the professor said, "you have to have a key observation finger. Thus, I licked my index finger."
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has 37.83 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: school, science, student, teacher
Three professors (a physicist, a chemist, and a statistician) are called in to see their dean. Just as they arrive the dean is called out of his office, leaving the three professors there. The professors see with alarm that there is a fire in the wastebasket. The physicist says, "I know what to do! We must cool down the materials until their temperature is lower than the ignition temperature and then the fire will go out." The chemist says, "No! No! I know what to do! We must cut off the supply of oxygen so that the fire will go out due to lack of one of the reactants." While the physicist and chemist debate what course to take, they both are alarmed to see the statistician running around the room starting other fires. They both scream, "What are you doing?" To which the statistician replies, "Trying to get an adequate sample size."
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has 78.40 % from 207 votes. More jokes about: math, school, science