Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
A: About three pounds, including the urn.
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A lawyer was asked if he likes to become a Jehovah's Witness.
He declined, as he hadn't seen the accident, but replied that he would still be interested in taking the case.
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Two lawyers, Jon and Amanpreet, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf.
Jon offers Amanpreet a $50 bet.
Amanpreet agrees and they’re off.
They shoot a great game.
After the 8th hole, Amanpreet is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.
”Help me find my ball. Look over there,” he says to Jon.
After a few minutes, neither has any luck.
Since a lost ball carries a four point penalty, Amanpreet secretly pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. ”I’ve found my ball!” he announces.
”After all of the years we’ve been partners and playing together,” Jon says, “you’d cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?”
”What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!”
”And you’re a liar, too!” Jon says. ”I’ll have you know I’ve been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!”
Why was the cannibal fined by the judge?
He was caught poaching.
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A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office.
Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck.
The lawyer turns around.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?
New Jersey got to pick first.
Why do they bury lawyers in 20ft holes?
Because deep down they’re all really nice guys.
What’s the difference between two lawyers in a Porsche and a porcupine?
The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
A: About three pounds, including the urn.
What do you call 5,000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.