Joke #3695

Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? A: About three pounds, including the urn.
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has 31.56 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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A beautiful woman enters a bar and sits next to a lawyer. "Listen honey," she says, "For $50, I’ll do absolutely anything you want." The lawyer looks around, pulls fifty dollars from his wallet and says, "Paint my house."
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has 81.43 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: beauty, lawyer, money, women
A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city donated to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling. "A shilling?" said the Justice, "It only takes shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go bury 20 of `em!"
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has 69.88 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, lawyer, money
A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, “you do God’s work.” The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop. A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, “you protect the public.” The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop. A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, “you serve the justice system.” The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.
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has 84.03 % from 204 votes. More jokes about: god, lawyer, money, priest, work
A lawyer named Impos Syble was shopping for a tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it. “Here lies an honest man and a lawyer,” responded the lawyer. “Sorry, but I can’t do that,” replied the stonecutter. “In this state, it’s against the law to bury two people in the same grave. However, I could put `here lies an honest lawyer’.” “But that won’t let people know who it is!” protested the lawyer. “Sure it will,” retorted the stonecutter. “People will read it and exclaim, “That’s impossible!”
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has 31.03 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: death, lawyer
Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in, waving guns and yelling for everyone to freeze. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, and other valuables. While this is going on, one of the lawyers jams something into the other lawyer's hand. Without looking down, the second lawyer whispers: "What is this?" The first lawyer replies: "It's the $100 I owe you."
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has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money
What’s the difference between a shame and a pity? If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff and there are no survivors – that’s a pity. If there were any empty seats – that’s a shame.
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has 30.41 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Lawyer’s creed – a man is innocent until proven broke.
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has 51.34 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?’ Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’
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has 24.92 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
I dated a lawyer until she said, ‘Stop, and/or I’ll slap your face!’
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has 42.25 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
If it wasn’t for lawyers, we wouldn’t need them.
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: lawyer