Joke #2954

A man was summoned to court for punching his lawyer. During the process, the Judge asked him to explain his actions. "Your Honor," replied the defendant, "that man represented me in a bitter divorce. One day he said my property settlement hearing was about to be held. The judge would decide that afternoon what I would get, and what Rose would get. My lawyer told me I didn't have to be present and "not to worry." "I can't see why you'd punch a man for that," interrupted the judge. "Wait, there's more... When I asked my attorney later about the settlement, he told me to look on the bright side. I asked why. Then he said, "Because everything's coming up Rose's." "THAT'S when I hit him!"
Vote:
has 46.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to build a wall? A: Depends on how deep you stack them.
Vote:
has 29.93 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!" "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
Vote:
has 78.50 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: baby, family, holiday, lawyer, marriage
Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage. They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.
Vote:
has 62.74 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, life, money, terrorist, time
What’s black and tan and looks great on a lawyer? A Dobermann pinscher.
Vote:
has 44.24 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: Hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers? A: It's called Sosumi.
Vote:
has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?’ Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’
Vote:
has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news." "What's the bad news?" asks the accused. "The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it." "What's the good news?" "Your cholesterol is 130."
Vote:
has 78.22 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: communication, health, lawyer, prison
Q: What do you get when you cross a Godfather with a lawyer? A: An offer you can't understand.
Vote:
has 42.03 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, lawyer
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? A: The lawyer charges more.
Vote:
has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were camping in a backwoods section of Maine. Early one morning, the two went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they went around the berry patch, gathering blueberries and raspberries in tremendous quantities, along came two huge bears - a male and a female. The lawyer, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed for cover. His friend, though, wasn't so lucky, and the male bear reached him and swallowed him whole. The lawyer ran back to his Mercedes, tore into town as fast as he could, and got the local backwoods sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his shotgun and dashed back to the berry patch with the lawyer. Sure enough, the two bears were still there. "He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, pointing to the male, while visions of lawsuits from his friend's family danced in his head. He just had to save his friend. The sheriff looked at the bears, and without batting an eye, leveled his gun, took careful aim and shot the female. "Whatdidja do that for!" exclaimed the lawyer, "I said he was in the other!" "Exactly," replied the sheriff. "Would YOU believe a lawyer who told you the Czech was in the male?"
Vote:
has 78.47 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, food, friendship, lawyer