Joke #13672

Officer: "your eyes look red man have you been smoking weed." Suspect: "officer your eyes look glazed like you has had doughnuts."
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has 63.67 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: cop, drug, flirt, weed

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DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher.. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for ill*gally grown dr*gs." The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location. The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land.. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? " The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis Bull... With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs... "Your badge... Show him your badge!"
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has 85.37 % from 446 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, drug, life
Police Officer: "How high are you?" Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"
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has 85.06 % from 407 votes. More jokes about: cop, weed
Q: What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor? A: Drug Abuse.
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has 82.69 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: drug, weed
Trafic policeman: "Didn't you hear my whistle, madam?" Woman driver: "Yes, but I don't like flirting while I'm driving."
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has 71.58 % from 124 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, flirt, women
The phone rings at Federal Drug Enforcement Agency headquarters. "Hello?" "Hello, is this the Federal Drug Enforcement Agency?" "Yes. What can we do for you?" "I’m calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding cocaine in his firewood." "Thank you, this will be noted." Next day, the Drug Enforcement agents come over to Tom’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no cocaine, swear at Tom and leave. The phone rings at Tom’s house. "Hey, Tom! Did the Federal Drug Enforcement guys come by?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood for you?" "Yeah, they did." "Okay, now it’s YOUR turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
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has 67.52 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: cop, drug, phone
Caitlin Jenner and her chauffer were parked on a highway. When a policeman pulled up and asked "What's going on?" The driver said "I blew my tranny." The cop didn't know if he should arrest them for indecent exposure or call AAA.
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, drug, travel
Q: If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving? A: The cop!
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has 64.28 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, driving, weed
Your mama is so short when she tried to get high she couldn't.
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has 63.07 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: drug, weed, Yo mama
Q: How can you tell if you have smoked too much weed? A: You can't smoke too much weed.
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has 62.50 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: drug, weed
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she reported her stolen crack to the cops.
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has 62.14 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: cop, drug, stupid, Yo mama