Joke #12557

I hope the children will never find out why I say "oops..." so often when I vacuum their rooms.
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has 46.60 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, kids, masturbation

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A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."
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has 85.41 % from 2530 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, food, kids, money
While talking to girl: "Hey, I heard an interesting stat the other day. They said that 80% of women masturbate in the shower. Know what the other 20% do?" "No, what?" "Yea, I figured you were in the first group."
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has 84.79 % from 651 votes. More jokes about: dirty, masturbation, women
Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind. Son: Dad im over here.
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has 84.10 % from 513 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, masturbation
Two kids were talking together. First: "My daddy is so tall that he can touch the clouds in the sky with his hands." Second: "That is excellent. Does your daddy touch something soft and downy?" First: "Yes, of course." Second: "Those are my daddy's testicles."
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has 83.60 % from 537 votes. More jokes about: black humor, communication, dad, dirty, kids
A man is at the optometrist getting his eyes checked. "You need to stop masturbating so much," the optometrist says. "Why?" asks the man. "Is it going to make me go blind?" The optometrist looks around and says "no, but it's making the other patients very uncomfortable."
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has 83.19 % from 159 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, masturbation, men
Q: When is the only time a guy can multi-task? A: When he's watching porn, masturbating, and keeping an eye on the door at the same time...
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has 82.76 % from 248 votes. More jokes about: dirty, masturbation, men, time
A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Bulgarian businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating. She says, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?" One of the Bulgarian men says, "Can't you see? Ve arrrre all verrry, verrry hoongry." The waitress makes a stroking motion and says, "So how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation??" One of the other businessmen replies: "The menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!"
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has 82.24 % from 341 votes. More jokes about: business, dirty, food, masturbation
Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator? A: "What are you shaking about, it's me she's going to eat."
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has 82.10 % from 326 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food, masturbation
Q: Why do men fart louder than women? A: because they have a microphone and two speakers.
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has 81.42 % from 193 votes. More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, fart, men, women
Susan's mother: "What are you doing on the top of that tree?" Susan: "Some boys are playing football their ball is fallen on the tree. They asked me to bring it." Susan's mother: "My dear , they only want to chech your pants." Susan: "Don't worry mam, I hav'nt put on my pants!"
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has 81.40 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: dirty, football, kids, mean