I weighed myself today.
It is clear I am too small for my weight.
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A fat lady (To a health expert): "Give me some advice that can reduce my fatness."
Health expert: "Okay. You must move your head to the right and the left at a particular time."
Fat lady: "At which particular time?"
Health expert: "Whenever anybody asks you to eat."
3 things which change women:
1) I love U
2) I liquidated to your account
3) U have lost weight
The last one had been some fatalities!
Q: Why do fat, ugly women give the best blow jobs?
A: Because they have to!
Yo mama is so fat she turned a monster truck into a low rider.
Yo mama so fat that when she works out too long she starts sweating cooking oil.
Romi (to the doctor): "Doctor, my sister thinks that she is a lift."
Doctor: "Tell her to come in."
Romi: "I cannot"
Doctor: "Why so?"
Romi: "Because she does not stop at this floor."
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure.
Lenin dies and goes to Saint Peter to tell him whether to go to hell or heaven.
There was a big problem among the saints because the half of them wanted him to hell and the other half in Paradise.
Then they asked God, who of course tells them to go to Hell.
After a week of being in hell, devil visited St. Peter and complained: "This Lenin will destroy me. One week in Hell only and he has already started their courses and demonstrations."
St. Peter much forced agrees to accept Lenin in Paradise.
From that day and then there was a disturbing silence.
After two months St. Peter goes to heaven and he sees what?
Everyone sitting around and Lenin standing in the middle and talking.
Among the distinguished listeners the Saint recognises Jesus Christ.
He calls him and says: "God will punish you"
And he answers: "Who? God? But God does not exist."
Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.
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