Joke #12560

I weighed myself today. It is clear I am too small for my weight.

A fat lady (To a health expert): "Give me some advice that can reduce my fatness." Health expert: "Okay. You must move your head to the right and the left at a particular time." Fat lady: "At which particular time?" Health expert: "Whenever anybody asks you to eat."

3 things which change women: 1) I love U 2) I liquidated to your account 3) U have lost weight The last one had been some fatalities!

Yo mama so fat, when she went to a subway she mistook the train for a sandwich and ate it.

You mamma so fat that she has to use the ocean for a bathroom.

Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live." Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!" Doctor: "Nine."

Yo moma so fat that when I tried to have sex with her I burned my ass off the lightbulb.

Yo mama is so fat she turned a monster truck into a low rider.

A wife says, "Hey! Look at that funny guy who's been drinking a lot." The husband responds, "Who is he?" The wife answers, "Well, five years ago, he was my boyfriend and I denied him for marriage." "Oh my God! He's still celebrating his freedom!" says the husband.

A guy goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I’d like some Polish sausage." The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?" The guy, clearly offended, says, “"Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya?" The clerk says, "Well, no." With deep self-righteous ndignation, the guy says, "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I’m Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?" The clerk replies, "Because this is Home Depot."

Somebody knocks on door: Who is there? Police? What do you want? We want to talk. How many of you are there? Two. So talk with each other.