Joke #4871

10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now we have no jobs, no hope and no cash.
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has 79.24 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: life

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Taylor swift: so he calls me up and he's all like "I still love you" and I'm like... Wait, is this Connor, Patrick, Joe, Luca, Taylor, John, Cory, Toby, Jake, Garret, Eddie, or Harry?
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, love, music
Girl: What if a boy hugs me? Mom: Say Don't Girl: What if he kisses me? Mom: Say stop. The next day when the girl goes to school her boyfriend hugs and kisses her well so she says as her mother told her to do and she quickly said DON'T STOP!...
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has 71.52 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: life, school
Two hunters from Moscow charter a small plane to fly them to Siberia to go bear hunting. On landing, the pilot says, "Remember, this plane can only fly with two hunters, one pilot, and ONE bear." The hunters go out and return with two bears. So the pilot says, "I told you ONE bear!" But the hunters point out that the previous year, on payment of an extra 100 rubles, the pilot had let them put two bears on board. After long discussion centering on the impossibility of the thing and the disgraceful degree of inflation, the pilot takes 200 rubles and with much pushing and shoving the hunters get aboard with the two bears. After struggling into the air and fitfully flying for about two hours, the plane gives up and plummets to the earth in a snowbank. Climbing out from under the snow and the bears, the hunters ask the pilot where he thinks they are. The pilot says, "About the same place where we crashed last year."
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has 83.29 % from 160 votes. More jokes about: airplane, animal, hunting, life, travel
A guy in the locker room saw another guy with a piece of cork up his ass. "Why do you have a cork up your ass?" "Well, it's a long story. But one day I was walking on the beach and I tripped over a bottle and woke up a genie who said he would grant me one wish. I said, 'No s**t!"
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has 74.78 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: genie, life
What happened when the cannibal ate the speaking clock? It repeated on him.
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has 67.81 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: food, life, time
Who was the fastest runner? Adam. He was first in the human race.
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has 75.38 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: athlete, life
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather head is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Business class yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
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has 80.07 % from 208 votes. More jokes about: life, travel
A tourist was watching an Indigenous man sending smoke signals. Everything around him was primitive, except of a latest model fire extinguisher. "What's the fire extinguisher for?" the tourist wondered. "It's for erasing the misspellings!"
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has 72.71 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: life
Cessna pilot: "Tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel. Tower: "Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide! Do you have the airfield in sight?" Cessna: "Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is."
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has 54.26 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: life
The November 5th Gunpowder Plot has been described as the 9/11 of its day. Staged by the government to discredit an entire religion.
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has 52.49 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: life, political, religious, time