Joke #4871

10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now we have no jobs, no hope and no cash.
Vote: has 77.20 % from 47 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

TV commercials now show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Vote: has 59.93 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
A young lad went to a tailor shop in Scotland. He told the tailor, "I'd like ye to make me a kilt with this material here, and if ye don't mind, I'd like ye to make me a pair of matching underwear for it. I hear it gets a might drafty up dem tings." A few days later, the tailor called the lad back to the shop. "Here's ye kilt, and here's ye matching underwear, and here's five yards of material left over. Take it home and keep it in case you want anything else made of it." The lad rushed home and donned his kilt. He decided to run to his girlfriend's house to show off his new purchase. Unfortunately, in his excitement, he forgot to wear his underwear. When his girlfriend answered the door, he pointed to his kilt and said, "Well, what'd ye think?" "Ah, but dat's a fine looking kilt," she exclaimed. "Aye, and if ye like it, y'ell really like what's underneath," he bragged as he lifted his kilt. "Oh, but dat's a dandy," his girlfriend shouted admiringly. Still not realizing that he didn't have his underwear on, he exclaimed quite proudly, "Aye, and if ye like it, I've got five more yards of it at home!"
Vote: has 82.87 % from 86 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
A boss took one of his employees to show his new sports car. "That is amazing" the employee was fascinated. "That is true" replied boss "and if you set your new goals higher and work even harder I can get an even better car next year".
Vote: has 66.60 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
If one drop of semen contains more life than a drop of blood, why don't vampires suck cock? Oh wait... Twilight
Vote: has 82.36 % from 676 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, life
Why is there a fence around the cemetery? Because people are dying to get in.
Vote: has 70.33 % from 60 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
A man sits on a bus looking ashamed. The man next to him notices and asks what is wrong. He says that when he went to buy the bus ticket, the woman serving him had the most unbelievable breasts, so he got flustered and asked for two tickets to Tittsburgh instead of Pittsburgh. The man next to him laughs, "Don't worry about that. We all make Freudian slips. This morning I was having breakfast with my wife. I meant to say, 'Pass the salt,' but I accidently said, 'You f**king bitch, you ruined my life.'"
Vote: has 81.23 % from 51 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, men, wife, women
Man: You've brought religion into my life. Woman: Really? How? Man: Until I met you, I didn't believe in Hell.
Vote: has 52.72 % from 182 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, marriage, religious
A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"
Vote: has 77.03 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,"Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,"Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly. "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Vote: has 73.53 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: business, life, student, women
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the plant and get some work done."
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, relationship, time, wife