Joke #4871

10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now we have no jobs, no hope and no cash.

A: What does "IDK" mean? B: I don't know. A: Ugh! Nobody does!

There were 11 people – ten men and one woman – hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter. They all decided that one person should get off, because if they didn’t, the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally, the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children, giving in to men, and not receiving anything in return. When she finished speaking, all the men started clapping.

Chuck Norris has found what U2 are looking for.

An old man and woman hate each other, but remain married for years. During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" One day, the man abruptly dies. After the burial, the wife goes straight to the local bar and begins to party. Her friends ask if she isn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave. The wife smiles, "Let the old bugger dig. I had him buried upside down!"

"I hate being half bicycle-half motorcycle" he moped.

I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center.

Sometimes, during the movie previews, I'll turn to the stranger sitting next to me and whisper, "We should really go see that together."

Q: What gets wetter the more it dries? A: A towel.

Doc, isn't it harmful to drink a shot before eating? No it's not, if you don't eat too often..

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.