Joke #1261

What's long, hard, and shoots sticky white stuff? A penis. What were you thinking you clean minded bastard.
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has 60.49 % from 146 votes. More jokes about: dirty

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A rich 40 year-old American woman decided to get married, but she wanted her husband to be a virgin and to never had been with a woman all of his life. After some years of pointless searching, she didn’t found anyone with this description and forced to give an ad to the paper. A month later, she met with an Australian man who had never been with a woman before in his life and she married him immediately. On the first night of their wedding and before they lay down, she went for a quick fresh up and then went back to the bedroom, happy. When she entered the room she stood steal... She saw her husband naked to the center of the room and all the furniture on the corner of the room. "But.. What happened?" asked the woman obviously shocked. "Look.. I’ve never been with a woman, but if it’s the same as with the kangaroo, then I’ll need the whole room to catch you!"
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has 77.32 % from 167 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, husband, life, marriage
Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind. Son: Dad im over here.
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has 82.48 % from 736 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, masturbation
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."
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has 85.53 % from 2896 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, food, kids, money
Nothing spreads easier than butter, except for yo mommas legs.
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has 43.79 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: dirty
My girl caught me blowing my dick with the air dryer, and asked what I was doing? Apparently "heating your dinner" wasn't a good answer.
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has 82.71 % from 1078 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month." Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."
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has 61.43 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, sex
What do a rattlesnake and a soft penis have in common? You can't f**k with either one.
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has 63.22 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty
The horrible moment when there's a really cute girls on the bus, but you're too shy to start masturbating in front of everyone...
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has 63.35 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A man walks into a bar and says loudly, "Bartender, six shots!" The bartender looks at him and says, "Wow six shots, whats the occasion?" The man replies , "First bl*wjob!" The bartender then pours him a seventh shot and says, "Congrats man, this ones on me." The man then says , "Man if six shots cant get the taste out of my mouth I don't know what will!"
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has 82.45 % from 237 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the local football team? A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
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has 59.89 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: dirty