Joke #1261

What's long, hard, and shoots sticky white stuff? A penis. What were you thinking you clean minded bastard.
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has 60.30 % from 148 votes. More jokes about: dirty

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This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window... He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs. "Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor? "Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies. He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer." Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having s*x with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?" She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"
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has 85.33 % from 1883 votes. More jokes about: dirty
If the sea was weed and i was a duck i'd swim my way down and smoke my way up, but the sea ain't weed and i'm not a duck so pass me the bong and shut the fuck up
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has 56.42 % from 144 votes. More jokes about: dirty, drug, duck, weed
An ugly bloke walks into a pub with a huge grin on his face. "What are you so happy about ?" asks the landlord. "Well, I live by the railway and on my way home last night I noticed a woman tied to the tracks. I cut her free and we shagged all night !" "Did you get a blow job ?" asks the landlord. "No ..." he says, "I never found the head."
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has 73.88 % from 118 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Had a fight with an erection this morning. I beat it single handedly.
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has 84.10 % from 697 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Two friends who had not seen each other for awhile met at a bar. "Hey, your wife just had a birthday recently, didn't she? Did you get her anything special?" "Yeah, I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo." "A pair of slippers and a dildo?" "Yeah, I said 'If you don't like the slippers, you can go fuck yourself.' "
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has 53.57 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: bar, birthday, dirty, friendship, sex
If you're feeling down, I can feel you up.
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has 69.22 % from 154 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, sex
A shepherd goes to a television programme. A man of the viewers stand up and asks him, "What was the best day of your life?" The shepherd answers, "Well...the best day of my life was when I lost my donkey in Cuccureddu's mountain, when I found it, i took it to the village's square and everyone fu**ed it." A second man of the viewers asks him, "And the second best day of your life?" And the shepherd, "Well...the second one was when in lost a sheep in Cuccureddu's mountain, when I found it, I took it to the village's square and everyone fu**ed it." So, after that, a third man of the viewers stand up and asks, "And the worse day of your life?." "The worse day of my life was when I got lost in Cuccureddu's mountain..."
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has 67.68 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex: - You can GET chocolate. - Chocolate satisfies even when it's gone soft. - You can safely have chocolate while you are driving. - You can have chocolate in in public. - If you bite the nuts, the chocolate won't mind. - The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate. - You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate. - No need to fake your enjoyment of chocolate. - Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant. - You can have chocolate at any time of the month. - You are never too young or too old for chocolate. - Size doesn't matter - though more is still better.
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has 73.60 % from 206 votes. More jokes about: chocolate, dirty, sex
Why do people say 'Grow some balls?' Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.
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has 65.10 % from 119 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: What do a penis and a Rubik's Cubes have in common? A: The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
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has 71.62 % from 96 votes. More jokes about: dirty, game, masturbation