Joke #1262

Did I tell you the joke about my dick? Never mind its too long.
Vote:
has 65.19 % from 334 votes. More jokes about: sex

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Come on guys, I think we are a little tough on pedophiles, they have a hard time fitting in.
Vote:
has 58.77 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dirty, kids, sex
I hope you're into yoga, cause you're going to get a good stretch tonight.
Vote:
has 57.73 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: flirt, sex, sport
Sex is like math: Add the bed Subtract the clothes Divide the legs and pray you dont multiply
Vote:
has 84.17 % from 2113 votes. More jokes about: dirty, math, sex
Mother Teaches Her Child To Go To The Bathroom Mother taught her son to go to the bathroom by the numbers: 1. Open your fly. 2. Take out your equipment. 3. Pull back the skin. 4. Do your business. 5. Let the skin forward. 6. Stow your equipment. 7. Close your fly. She did check on him often to see if he had learned the lesson, and heard 1,2,3,4,5,6,7. She was very happy until one day she checked and heard 3-5, 3-5, 3-5.
Vote:
has 79.33 % from 2262 votes. More jokes about: business, sex
There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who have regular sex.
Vote:
has 64.09 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: IT, sex
Q: Why are Christmas trees better than Men? A: Even the small ones give satisfaction.
Vote:
has 57.55 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, dirty, men, sex
A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel. "Go and get help!" he cried. "But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!" "Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself." Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!" The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."
Vote:
has 85.14 % from 1851 votes. More jokes about: car, dirty, sex
A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day, the wife asked her husband, "Honey, one of the bathroom pipes is leaking. Could you fix it?" The husband looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like Mr. Plumber?" A few days went by, and his wife asked for a favor. "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" "What do I look like Mr. Goodwrench?" A couple weeks later, the wife found a leak in the roof. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof. Can you please fix it?" "What do I look like Bob Vila?" He sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV. One rainy weekend, the husband realized the leak on the roof was gone. He went to the bathroom and found that the pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either. When his wife returned home, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks and the car's running?" She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything. "Wow, did he charge us anything?" "No, he said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him." "Cool. What kind of cake did you make?" "Cake? What the hell do I look like Betty Crocker?"
Vote:
has 54.20 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: food, husband, marriage, sex, work
A police officer pulls over an elderly female for speeding while driving her husband to a doctors appointment. The officer approaches the vehicle and attempts to explain that he stopped her for speeding. She looks at her husband and asks, "What did he say?" The husband replies, "He said he stopped you for speeding." The officer asked the elderly female for her driver's license and she turned and asked her husband, "What did he say? The husband replies, "he wants to see your driver's license." The women hands the officer her license and he sees that she is from his old home town. The officer tells the couple that he remembered the town because he had the worst sexual experience of his life there. The women looks at her husband and asked, "What did he say?" The husband replies, "He says he knows you."
Vote:
has 80.97 % from 224 votes. More jokes about: cop, doctor, driving, husband, sex
What’s the difference between ‘Oooh!’ and ‘Aaah!’? About three inches.
Vote:
has 63.67 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: sex