Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris once caught AIDS... but then he let it go.
Chuck Norris was once tested for steroids. The results came back positive. When confronted with this information, Chuck Norris chuckled and said, "Of course, what do you think they make steroids from?"
Q: What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? A: Getting her out of the wheelchair.
"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?" "First of all, don't give him anything to drink."
When Chuck Norris has a heart attack, he attacks back.
A few guys tried to follow Chuck Norris during a light workout while he was vacationing in Hawaii. It's now called the Ironman Triathlon.
If you carefully examine your health insurance policy, you will see that there is no cover for "Chuck Norris related incidents".
There are only two things to worry about: Either you are well, or you are sick. If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about. But if your sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you will get well, or you will die. If you get well, there is nothing to worry about. But if you die, there are only two things to worry about. Either you will go to heaven or hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry.
How can you tell if you have acne? If the blind can read your face.