Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris was once tested for steroids. The results came back positive. When confronted with this information, Chuck Norris chuckled and said, "Of course, what do you think they make steroids from?"
Chuck Norris once caught AIDS... but then he let it go.
A few guys tried to follow Chuck Norris during a light workout while he was vacationing in Hawaii. It's now called the Ironman Triathlon.
There are only two things to worry about: Either you are well, or you are sick. If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about. But if your sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you will get well, or you will die. If you get well, there is nothing to worry about. But if you die, there are only two things to worry about. Either you will go to heaven or hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry.
If you carefully examine your health insurance policy, you will see that there is no cover for "Chuck Norris related incidents".
"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?" "First of all, don't give him anything to drink."
If Chuck Norris had to he could give CPR to himself.
Q: What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? A: Getting her out of the wheelchair.
Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients? They hid their own eggs!