Q: How many Anglicans or Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They always use candles.
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A senior Catholic Priest in Kenya was dying in a hospital and for his death wish he asked to see the local MP and the county Governor.
Within hours, the two arrived.
He asked them to sit on either side of the bed.
The priest held their hands and kept quiet.
The politicians were so touched and at the same time felt very important for being summoned by a senior and well respected priest in his dying moment.
Out of anxiety, the Governor asked, 'But why did ask for me and Mheshimiwa?'
The priest gathered all his strength and held their hands even tighter.
Then with his eyes still closed, he mumbled 'Jesus died between two thieves. My only wish is to die the same way.'
Minutes later as the silence enveloped the hospital room, the priest took his last breath.
At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Toronto , they have weekly husband's marriage seminars.
At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.
Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, "Wella, I'va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!"
The priest responded, "Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?"
Giuseppe proudly replied, " I gonna go pick her up."
Q: How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They just have a nursing student do it.
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Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One to screw it in and the other to wear skinny jeans.
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Q: What's the difference between acne and a Roman Catholic Priest from the Vatican?
A: Acne would wait until you're at least 13 before it would cum on your face!
Q: How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What sort of answer did you have in mind?
A: None - just assume it's changed.
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Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, that's a hardware problem.
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Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: You wouldn't know, it's kind of an obscure number.
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Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 10 children.
After her first husband died, she remarried and had 10 more children.
A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away.
At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together."
Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?"
The priest replied, "I mean her legs."
Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died.
The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible.
All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
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