Q: How many Anglicans or Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They always use candles.
Vote:
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
Q:How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:None, the sockets go with the house.
Vote:
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "How many can you afford?"
Vote:
An Atheist dies in a car crash and wakes up in a big dark room with a sign above a single door: "Welcome to Hell!"
"Shit! So the Shavelings were right after all!" the Atheist thinks, opens the door – and is stunned by the view!
A marvelous beach!
Crystal blue water, white sand, palm trees, the sun is shining and all around there are people laughing, having fun and listening to happy music or enjoying excellent food and drinks.rnLucifer, dressed in a Hawaiian Shirt, greets the Atheist, hands him a fantastic- looking cocktail and says cheerfully:
"Hey! Welcome to Hell. Have a drink, have a snack. Take a look around and enjoy yourself! See you later!"
Totally speechless at first, the Atheist finally starts to take a look around, is greeted everywhere, listens to people´s stories about their mortal lives and takes a stroll down the beach.
After a few minutes into the walk, he starts hearing cries of pain, wailing, shouts, and screams and decides to follow that noises.
Finally, the Atheist arrives at the rim of a big, black hole, takes a look down and is scared to the bone!
Down there, the place is all fire, sulfur, brimstone!
Rivers of lava, gnarled trees, and among it all the lost souls, being tormented forever by demons and devils.
"Whoa! Take it easy!"
Lucifer jumps right in to prevent the Atheist from falling into that pit and he stumbles backward, drops into the sand and stammers:
"Wha... what the HELL is that place?"
Lucifer looks down, shrugs and says: "Oh, that´s the Catholic´s department. They want it that way."
Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but millions volunteered to get rid of anything dark
Vote:
A teacher asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favourite Bible stories.
She was puzzled by a boy's picture which showed four people on an aircraft, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent.
'The flight to Egypt,' he replied.
'I see...
And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus,' she said.
'But who's the fourth person?'
'Oh, that's Pontius – the Pilot!'
Q: Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
A: In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
Q: How many divorce attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It only takes one divorce attorney to change your light bulb to his light bulb.
Vote:
Q: How many black people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: The lights out, how can u count them?
Vote:
At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Toronto , they have weekly husband's marriage seminars.
At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.
Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, "Wella, I'va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!"
The priest responded, "Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?"
Giuseppe proudly replied, " I gonna go pick her up."
Q: How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed.
Vote: