Q: What do you get when you complete science class?
A: A graduated cylinder.
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The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
A: HeHe
Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
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Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
A scientist tells a pharmacist, "Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid."
"Do you mean aspirin?" asks the pharmacist.
The scientist slaps his forehead. "That's it!" he says. "I can never remember the name."
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..."
Yo mama farts so much there is a reason why Jupiter is made out of gas.
Q: What happens when spectroscopists are idle?
A: They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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