I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
Did you ever wonder how the moon got craters? 3 words: Chuck Norris Golf.
Chuck Norris can dunk a basketball using his feet.
What’s the hardest thing about learning to ice skate? The ice.
Q: Why did the bodybuilder cross the road? A: He didn't. There's no walking on leg day.
It's the 7th game of the Stanley Cup Finals. At the beginning of the game, a guy sits down in his seat and notices an empty seat and another gentleman next to him. "Can you believe it?" the man says to the gentleman, "It's game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals and there is actually an empty seat! What's up with that I wonder!" The gentleman speaks up and says, "Well, you see the seat belonged to my wife. We went to the games together." "Where is your wife? The man asks cautiously. "She passed away," said the gentleman. "Oh, I'm sorry, you could not get anyone else to come to the game with you?" said the man. Said the gentleman with a slight smirk "No, they're all at the funeral."
Golfer: "Well, I have never played this badly before!" Caddy: "I didn't realize you had played before, sir!"
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports? Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Yo mama so stupid I told her I was going to the Super Bowl and she told me not to forget a spoon.
The Karate Kid killed caught a fly with two chopsticks, Chuck Norris killed a rhino with one.
What games do ants play with elephants? Squash!