I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
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Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long, ice fishing.
One has been having no luck at all and the other has been pulling fish after fish out of his hole in the ice.
The man having no luck finally leans over and asks the other what his secrect is.
"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm."
"I'm sorry, what did you say?"
"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm."
"I'm sorry, I still didn't understand you."
The successful man spits something into his hand.
"You've got to keep your worms warm."
"I like to watch the World Series. Here's what I do.
I sit down and drink a few beers in my underwear and scream at the TV.
That's until they throw me out of Applebees."
Dave Letterman
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
Q: What has 2 arms, 3 legs, and 4 feet?
A: The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
Vote:
Everyone could tell our son was a Tigers fan.
When he was handed his diploma, he dropped it.
Vote:
Jamaica has named Usain Bolt its Sportsman of the Year.
In related news, the island has also made Michael Phelps an honorary citizen.
My wife said, "I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with Tennis!"
I replied, "That's 15 love!"
Why are football stadiums always cool?
"Because they're full of fans."
Mama Bear and Papa Bear are accused of child abuse. Baby Bear is put on the stand.
The judge says, "Do you want to live with Papa Bear?" "No," Baby Bear replies.
"He beats me."
The judge then asks, "Do you want to live with Mama Bear?"
"No," Baby Bear replies.
"She beats me too."
So the judge says, "So who do you want to live with?"
Baby Bear replies, "I want to live with the Chicago Bears, they never beat anybody."
A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked up to have a talk with him.
"I've figured out your problem," he told the young southpaw.
"You always lose control at the same point in every game."
"When is that?"
"Right after the National Anthem."