Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
Chuck norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund
3 europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them. But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the native americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The native american tells him the same thing. He laughs and the native american kills him. They both see eachother in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so thats why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris. After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.
Micheal Jordan to Chuck Norris: I can spin a ball on my finger for over two hours. Can you? Chuck Norris: (laughs) How do you think the earth spins?
You might kill two birds with one stone, but Chuck Norris kills two stones with one bird.
While vacationing in France, Chuck Norris went out for a casual bike ride and accidentally won the Tour de France.
Chuck Norris was once shot. The bullet died.