Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
Chuck norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris. After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.
Chuck Norris won the Boston marathon in New York.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.
While vacationing in France, Chuck Norris went out for a casual bike ride and accidentally won the Tour de France.
This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death, he beats it fair and square.