Did you hear about the new book about anti-gravity?
I just can't seem to put it down.
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A photon is checking into a hotel and the bellhop asks him "Do you have any luggage?"
The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."
Son: "Dad, I'm cold..."
Dad: "Stand in a corner, they're usually ninety degrees!"
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Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.
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Q: What is astronauts favorite game in space?
A: Moonopoly.
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Q: What did one magnet say to the other?
A: I find you very attractive.
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A man walks into a chemist’s and says, "Can I have a bar of soap, please?"
The chemist says, "Do you want it scented?"
And the man says, "No, I’ll take it with me now."
Yo momma so fat, when shes falling out the sky, people thought it was meteor shower.
Paddy and Murphy were doing a crossword.
Paddy asks, "How do you spell paint"?
Murphy replies, "What color?"
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Little Johnny: "I've piss may I go out?"
Teacher : "Piss is an impolite word instead you say I've number 1."
Jimmy: "May I go out? I want to shit."
Teacher: "Shit is also a bad word it is better to use number 2 instead."
Ronald: "There is a wind in my belly give me please a number for it."
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