Joke #13086

Q: How do pirates make their money? A: By hook or by crook!
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: money, pirate

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Christian Doctor: "Your recovery was a miracle!" Christian Patient: "Thank God! Now I don't have to pay you."
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has 79.93 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: christian, customer service, doctor, money
When we moved to the US I was 8 years old. I remember asking my father if I can have an allowance? When he asked me what that was, I said you're allowed to give me money.
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: age, family, geography, life, money
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch. The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off." "Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off." "Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate. "You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously. "Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"
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has 80.01 % from 127 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, life, pirate
A local charity organization realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the donation seeker mumbled, "Um ... no." The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The person coming for donation began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again. "or that my sister`s husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer`s voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!" The person who came asking for donation felt completely humiliated and said simply, "I had no idea..." On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don`t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
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has 33.28 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: death, kids, lawyer, medical, money
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel on his penis. The bartender says to him, "You know you've got a ship's wheel on your penis?" And the pirate says, "Argh, I know. It drives me nuts."
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has 60.93 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: bar, dirty, pirate
Q: Where do pirates buy their parrot food? A: Petsmarrrrrrrrt!
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has 43.40 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: food, parrot, pirate
Q: What is the difference between your cock, and your bonus? A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!
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has 77.88 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: dirty, mean, money, wife, work
A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, "1 enemy ship on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die." So the watchman comes to him and asks, "Why did you want your red shirt?" The captain says, "Because if i get injured they won't see and keep on fighting." So the watchman comes to him again and says, "20 enemy ships on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."
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has 69.53 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: death, men, pirate, war
Why is it that when a man talks nasty to a women it’s sexual harassment, but when a women talks nasty to a man it’s £3.99 a minute?
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has 57.36 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: money
I asked the boss if I could get a raise, and he said, "Because of the fluctuational predisposition of your position's productive capacity as juxtaposed to the industry standards, it would be monetarily injudicious to advocate an increment." I said, "I don't get it." He said, "That's right."
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has 73.06 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: management, money, stupid