A young boy knocked on my door on Halloween night and said, "Trick or treat?"
I looked at him and asked, "What have you come as?"
He said, "A werewolf."
I said, "But you're not wearing a costume. You've just got your normal clothes on."
He said, "Yeah well, it's not a full moon yet, is it?"
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It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat".
The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as.
"I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.
Q: Why couldn't the witch have children?
A: Her husband had a hallow weenie.
A kid once tried to scare Chuck Norris on Halloween... sadly he has had the hiccups now for 40 years.
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Panic: When your babysitter calls to ask where you keep the fire extinguisher.
On Halloween, children give Chuck Norris candy.
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Once upon time, there were three friends playing on a beach.
One kid's parents were good business people.
The second kid lives in a good family where he is taught to respect his elders.
The third kid was a poor redneck with an abusive father.
Anyways, they were playing on the beach when a helicopter crashed down into the water.
They saw a man drowning and all raced to save him.
As they pulled the man to shore they realized it was Obama.
The president then said, "Thank you kids for saving me! I'll give you each one wish!"
The first kid said he wanted a helicopter.
The second kid wished for some money.
And the redneck asked for a wheel chair.
Obama, concerned, asked why the poor boy wouldn't want some money for his family.
The kid replied, "Cause when pap finds out what I've done, I ain't gonna be walking for a pretty long time."
Q: How do you know your doctor is a vampire?
A: He draws your blood from your neck with a straw!
Knock Knock!
Who's There?
Figs
Figs who?
Figs the doorbell, it's broken!
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Pupil (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this?
Pupil: This is my father speaking!