Joke #11571

Q: How do you know your doctor is a vampire? A: He draws your blood from your neck with a straw!

Michael: "What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?" Matthew: "I don't know. What?" Michael: "Candy corneas."

Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?" The other monster replied, "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."

Will I ever be able to race my horse again the owner asked the vet. The vet replied, "You certainly will, and you ll probably beat her too!"

Doctor, doctor, should I surf the Internet on an empty stomach? No, you should do it on a computer.

Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

A man working with an electric saw accidentally saws off all 10 fingers. He rushes to the emergency room. The doctor says, "Give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do." "But I don't have the fingers!" "Why didn't you bring the fingers?!" asks the incredulous doctor. "Doc, I couldn't pick them up."

What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? A URLologist.

A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, "I've not seen you for a while." The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill."

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

Q: What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? A: Wrap music!