Q: What is a French cat's favorite dessert?
A: Chocolate mousse.
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Remember your wife is a romantic who still loves flowers and chocolates.
Show her you remember as well by referring to them occasionally.
"It's a boy," I shouted, as tears began to roll down my cheeks.
"I can't believe it, it really is a boy."
That's when I swore never to return to Thailand.
Fred came home from his first day at school.
"Nothing exciting happened", he told his mother, "Except the teacher didn't know how to spell cat so I told her."
Q: Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court?
A: For kitty littering.
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what that pussy needs.
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A man visits his aunt in the nursing home.
It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.
Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl of peanuts.
"I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!"
"That’s okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I’ve sucked the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway."
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What kind of cows do you find in Alaska?
Eski-moos.
The war with Japan would have ended sooner, but the allies decided that dropping Chuck Norris on Hiroshima would be a crime against humanity.
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Q: Why do birds fly south in the winter?
A: Because it's too far to walk!