Joke #13150

Q: What is a French cat's favorite dessert? A: Chocolate mousse.

Q: How do you make a cat go ‘woof’? A: Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire.

A drunk guy took a cat home to his wife and said: "See... here is the a monkey of the jungle." His wife said laughing, "That's a CAT ..." He said back to his wife, "I am talking to the cat!"

A woman took her dog to the vet. She said, "I think my dog is dead". The doctor laid the dog on the table and reached down and took a cat out of a box. The cat walked all over the dog and the dog didn't move. "Yes, your dog is dead," says the doctor. "How much do I owe you?" the lady asks. "$345," says the doctor. "$345!!?" the lady asks. "Yes. $45 for the office visit and $300 for the cat scan."

Q: What do women and cats have in common? A: Pussy farts.

A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table. Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl of peanuts. "I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!" "That’s okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I’ve sucked the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway."

A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer

How do you prepare a dead baby for Valentine's Day? You shove a box of chocolates down his throat and a bouquet of roses up his ass.

Are your legs made of Nutella? Because I'd love to spread them!

An IRS agent is lying on his psychiatrist's couch bemoaning the fact that everyone in the world hates him. "Nonsense", says his doctor. "Everyone in the world doesn't hate you. Everyone in the United States, perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world."

They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what that pussy needs.