Joke #13256

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and my flawless dance moves.
Vote:
has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: health, wine

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

I recently went to my new doctor. After two visits and exhaustive tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. I was a bit worried what he meant by that, so I asked him, "Do you think I'll live to be eighty, Doc?" He looked at me and asked me, "Do you smoke or drink beer or wine?" I said, "No, nothing like that. And I don't do drugs either." He looked at me again and asked me, "Okay, do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" I said, "No, my old doctor told me that all red meat is very unhealthy." He looked at me again and asked me, "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?" I replied, "No, nothing like that." He looked at me again and asked me, "And do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?" I said, "No, nothing like that, Doc." He looked at me again and said, "Then why do you even care?"
Vote:
has 72.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: age, alcohol, doctor, health, wine
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant and have a little wine and good food. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Vote:
has 85.01 % from 361 votes. More jokes about: food, husband, marriage, wife, wine
A man enters a store and says: "15 litres of wine please." "Did you bring a container for this? " "You're speaking to it."
Vote:
has 81.21 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, men, wine
Q: How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne? A: It's when the blind try to read your face.
Vote:
has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: black humor, health, ugly
Doctor (to an absent-minded patient): "What is wrong with you?" Patient: "I am losing my memory. Please prescribe some medicine." Doctor (Handing him the prescription after a while): "Here, Take this." Patient: "Why are you giving me this prescription? I am perfectly all right."
Vote:
has 49.61 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: doctor, drug, health, memory, old people
Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we'd want to have dinner with.
Vote:
has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: food, men, wine, work
A rabbi and a priest crash into each other at a four-way junction. They both get out of their cars and look at the wreck. They both thank God they are OK, and the priest says, ‘This must be a sign that God wanted us to meet.’ The rabbi says, ‘Yes, indeed, let’s drink.’ So the rabbi gets out some wine. They toast each other and the priest drinks his glass. But the rabbi doesn’t take a taste of his drink. Priest: ‘Why aren’t you drinking?’ Rabbi: ‘I’m waiting for the police.’
Vote:
has 56.05 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: cop, mean, priest, vulgar, wine
Q: What's worse than having termites in your piano? A: Crabs on your organ.
Vote:
has 60.65 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: animal, health
Q: What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket? A: "Some asshole has my pen!"
Vote:
has 80.74 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: communication, health, nurse
On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!" "That's right!" shouted the little boy. Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!" "That's right!" shouted the little girl. The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son, Little Johnny. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," Little Johnny answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," he answered. Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?" Little Johnny replied, "A puppy!"
Vote:
has 81.32 % from 563 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, dog, little Johnny, teacher, wine