I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits.
The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and my flawless dance moves.
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I recently went to my new doctor.
After two visits and exhaustive tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age.
I was a bit worried what he meant by that, so I asked him, "Do you think I'll live to be eighty, Doc?"
He looked at me and asked me, "Do you smoke or drink beer or wine?"
I said, "No, nothing like that. And I don't do drugs either."
He looked at me again and asked me, "Okay, do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"
I said, "No, my old doctor told me that all red meat is very unhealthy."
He looked at me again and asked me, "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"
I replied, "No, nothing like that."
He looked at me again and asked me, "And do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"
I said, "No, nothing like that, Doc."
He looked at me again and said, "Then why do you even care?"
I've trained my dog to bring me red wine.
It's a Bordeaux collie.
Chuck Norris once caught the Ebola virus, it's been on the run ever since.
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Chuck Noris can make grapes from wine.
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I have joy in my heart and a glass of wine in my hand.
Coincidence?
I can't tell if I'm depressed or just an adult.
I drank so much wine last night that when I walked across the dance floor to get another glass, I won the dance competition.
The secret of enjoying a good bottle of wine:
1. Open the bottle to allow it to breathe.
2. If it doesn't look like it's breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
Q: What is the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?
A: The taste
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