Joke #1352

What did the two tampons say to eachother? Nothing , because they were both stuck up bitches.

Daughter: Dad, this guy told me the sweetest thing ever. Me: What's that hunny? Daughter: He said I had nice bumper lights, and a nice trunk. Me: Tell that niggie if he fills up your gas tank, I'll break his exhaust pipe, ya dig?

What do a rattlesnake and a soft penis have in common? You can't f**k with either one.

Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"? Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don’t stop"

Sometimes I wish I was a bird: I would fly over certain people and shit on their heads.

What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbit? Are you gonna eat that?

What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese

Why do women fart after they take a piss? Because they can't shake it, so they blow dry it.

Little Johnny comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said Little Johnny. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks. "Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk." Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. Little Johnny looks up at his mother with a smile, and says: "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"

Hey guys. Bet your female friend that she can't use both of her elbows to touch her belly button. Thank me later.

Girl, do you need to get your protein macros up? Because I'd gladly put my meat inside you.