Nobody is born cool. Except of course, dead babies.
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What's the difference between a dead baby and a table?
You can't fuck a table.
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What is special about a dead baby over all other forms of life?
You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter.
What does a white chick and a tampon have in common?
They're both stuck up cunts !
How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off of it’s head.
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Friend: Dude, I can't stop dreaming about my crush.
Me: Well imagine this... You're home alone, and your crush comes over to visit.
Friend: Ok I can see it...
Me: She walks into your room and you're just sitting there.
Friend: Uh-huh.. I'm likin' this.
Me: Ok. So she walks in front of you, takes her pants off.
She's not wearing any underwear.. And then she sits on you.
Friend: Oh-ho-hoo.. Whatta' naughty girl.
Me: Yeah, ok. Don't get dirty on me. So she's sitting on you.
And then... she starting shitting in you. Right then and there, you find out you're a toilet.
Friend: I hate you...
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What’s the difference between a dead baby and an onion.
You don’t cry when you chop up a dead baby.
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What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume!
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Q: What did the baby say as I threw it in the blender?
A: I didn't catch it, I was too busy masturbating.
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Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand.
Whatever mate, I've got two night stands.
Either side of my bed.
A man walks into a sperm Bank.
He approaches a man who has just walked out of a donating cubicle.
He decides to start a conversation with him.
He approaches the man and says "So then, do you come here often?"
The man replies "Only when the internets off" and walks off.