Joke #14282

Nobody is born cool. Except of course, dead babies.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a table? You can't fuck a table.

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house everyone felt shitty even the mouse. Mom at the whorehouse and dad smoking grass, I settled down for a nice piece of ass. When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I sprung from my place to see what was the matter. When out on the lawn I saw a big dick, I new in a moment it must be Saint Nick. He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, I knew in a moment the f*cker had fell. He filled all of our stockings with pretzels and beer and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer. He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart, the son of a b*tch tore the chimney apart. He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight, "piss on you all and have a hell of a night."

My girlfriend said if this gets 100 votes we'll try anal. So please don't vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.

Q: What's more offensive than a truck full of dead babies? A: Taking them out with pitchforks.

Knock Knock! Who's there? Testicules. Testicules who? Pillow for penis .

Q: What did the seal say when found nuts in the sea? A: "Look I found deep nuts."

Your legs are like an Oreo Cookie - I wanna split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle.

A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child. The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child. So the jury asks the woman first. She says, "Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process, this is my child and apart of me." The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question. The man replies, "OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out, now tell me who does the drink belong to me or the machine"

What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup? A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.

Q: What did the baby say as I threw it in the blender? A: I didn't catch it, I was too busy masturbating.