And these kids do not deserve a present from me, because they have not been eating well this year, - said Santa Claus, flying over the starving kids in Sudan.
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In the war, a German ship suspected that they were being tracked by an Irish submarine.
Unfortunately, they had used up all of their depth-charges.
As an alternative, one of their Divers decided to swim down to the submarine and knock on the door.
What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common?
Their last big hit was The Wall.
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Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson?
He thought he would give him a paunch!
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Q: How do you make a cat go ‘woof’?
A: Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire.
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Q: How do you get a Jew to win a race?
A: Drop a quarter at the finish line.
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A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday."
Well, you can imagine her disappointment.
The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything.
She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?"
He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"
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Q: What do pregnant teenagers and their unborn babies have in common?
A: Both their moms are going to kill them!
What do you call a nun in a wheel chair?
Virgin mobile.
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I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
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Q: Whats worse then finding half a worm in your apple?
A: The Holocaust.
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