And these kids do not deserve a present from me, because they have not been eating well this year, - said Santa Claus, flying over the starving kids in Sudan.
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Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children anymore.
So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.
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Come on guys, I think we are a little tough on pedophiles, they have a hard time fitting in.
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Q: What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Adolf Hitler?
A: Michael Phelps can finish a race.
What's the difference between a police officer and a bullet?
When a bullet kills someone else, you know it's been fired.
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A pretty lady is standing on the side of a bridge, looking over it and thinking about jumping off.
A homeless alcoholic man comes up to her as he was walking nearby.
The lady notices the man coming and says: "Go away! There's nothing you can say to me to change my mind, you cannot help me."
"Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, why don't we have sex? At least I'll enjoy it" replies the man.
"No way, you're disgusting, go away."
The homeless man turns and starts walking away.
The lady thinks: "Is that all you were going to say to me? Nothing more? Won't you try to convince me that life is worth living that I should not jump off? Where are you going?"
The homeless man thinks: "I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you'll still be warm."
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What do you call 100 niggers on the bottom of the sea?
A good start.
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What happened when a cannibal went on a self-catering holiday?
He ate himself.
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A few days after her husband's death, a grieving widow accidentally receives an e-mail from a man waiting for his wife in Miami.
The e-mail reads:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in.
Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.
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A guy was walking to a bar and on his way he found a girl tied up to the railroad tracks.
He untied her and they had sex.
Guy gets to the bar, friends ask why he's so late, tells them about the girl he found and all the different positions they fucked in.
Friends give him props and ask if he got head, guy replies "I couldn't find it."
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My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104.
We called her Aunt Tique.
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