And these kids do not deserve a present from me, because they have not been eating well this year, - said Santa Claus, flying over the starving kids in Sudan.
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Similar jokes
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Q: Why did hitter kill himself?
A: Because he could not pay the gas bill.
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Q: How do you get a black out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
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There's some soldiers in Vietnam.
And they've been pinned down in their trench for days.
Finally one guy says,"Fuck this I really have to pee guys. Lay down covering fire, i'll run into the bushes. When I'm done I'll give a signal and you can give me covering fire while i run back."
So they lay down fire, and he runs off into the jungle.
But he's gone for a good half an hour, they're finally convinced that he's been murdered by Charlie when they hear the signal.
So they lay down fire and he sprints out of the jungle and leaps back into the trench.
So obviously they're pretty confused.
They ask "what the hell took you so long man?"
The guy says, "well i was just finishing up my business, when I met this beautiful Vietnamese girl, and we just started having sex right there. we did every position imaginable, missionary, doggy style, everything. It was great."
One of his buddies asks "Well did you get any head?"
He replies "There was no head."
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A man answers the telephone to find a doctor from the hospital's emergency room on the other end.
"Sir," explains the doctor, "Your wife was in a serious car accident. I have bad news and good news."
The man, taken back, asks hesitatntly, "What's the bad news?"
"The bad news is your wife has lost all use of both arms and both legs. She will likely be on a respirator for the rest of her life."
"Heavens, Doc, what's the good news?"
The doctor replies, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
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Since it started to rain, my wife can't stop looking through the window.
If it will start pouring down, I'm afraid I will have to let her inside.
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What do sick cannibals have for breakfast?
Vitamin bills!
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Knock Knock
Whose there?
9/11
9/11 who?
I thought you said you would never forget.
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Two drunks were walking home along the railway tracks.
The first drunk says, "There's a hell of a lot of steps here."
The second drunk says, "I'll tell you what's worse, this handrail is bloody low down"
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Anyone want to try the ALS gas bucket challenge HMU.
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The best thing about Alzheimer's Disease is that you get to meet so many new people.
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