And these kids do not deserve a present from me, because they have not been eating well this year, - said Santa Claus, flying over the starving kids in Sudan.
Why is there always hot water at childbirth? In case of a stillbirth, soup.
My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black — that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
What do you buy a dead baby for its birthday? A dead puppy!
Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork? So you can tell which ones are still alive.
My grandfather can no longer do the things he loved to do as a teenager. Flying planes, bombing Germans...
Which is the only day you you are safe in a cannibal village? Sitter days (when they eat the baby-sitter instead)!
Whats the difference between a jew camp and a summer camp? The kids come back.
John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital. One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act. He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK. Doctor: "We have good news and bad news for you, David. The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died." David: "Doctor, he didn’t hang himself. I hung him there to dry."
Q: Why does Luke Skywalker always ask for favors? A: Because he needs someone to lend a hand.
Q: Why did the boy fall off the swing? A: He didn't have any arms.